


Blind Date

by mcmachine



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: AU, Blind Date, F/M, First Dates, First Kiss, escort AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-03-04 04:33:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 41,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13356594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcmachine/pseuds/mcmachine
Summary: Japril AU. When April's co-workers set her up on a blind date, she's hesitant to agree. Said blind date? Jackson Avery, an escort on the side to make ends meet during his residency at a neighboring hospital. He assumed that she knows this.





	1. First Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> Originally, the first two chapters were posted on Tumblr. I plan on continuing this eventually, but here's to throwing it out in the world again.

One date.

That was what April had agreed to, after the harassment from Arizona, and even eventually Meredith and Owen, about her utter lack of a love life. She was twenty-eight old and still a virgin, she hadn’t been on a date in six months, and she could only go so long with trying to continue to blame it on the busy schedule of being chief resident.

Jackson Avery. That was his name. She wasn’t sure how they’d come in contact with him, but apparently, he was a resident at Seattle Presbyterian. So she’d put on modest heels and silver earrings, and agreed to meet him at a local sushi restaurant.

April almost fainted when she first saw him. Tall, fit, incredibly handsome, striking blue eyes. He looked like he’d just walked out of some kind of model catalog.

Jackson’s reaction wasn’t quite as extreme. Curly red hair, a nice body, modestly dressed. She was hot, definitely. But he thought that the point of the night was more geared toward the after dinner portion.

The dinner was fairly smooth sailing. April stumbled over herself and rambled a few times despite her better judgment, but Jackson had a smooth laugh that had more of a soothing effect than what she’d anticipated from a first date. She couldn’t remember the last time that a date had ever gone this well for her. She was so used to it ending with a few snide comments from the other part whenever she slipped out more information about herself or her thoughts than what she intended, but he didn’t do that. He smiled.

He liked her more than he thought he would’ve. She was down to earth, which was refreshing considering what he had gotten used to with most of his dates. The rambles were cute – odd, but cute. But also refreshing. She would’ve been good company, a good friend. Maybe they still could’ve been, even afterward.

“It was – this was really nice, Jackson.” April pauses, smiling up at him as they step outside the restaurant. “Thank you. It was nice to meet you.”

“Of course. Do you need me to walk you to your car?”

“Oh, no. My apartment is just around the corner, actually.”

“Well, why don’t I walk you home?”

April pauses for a brief moment, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth as she considered the offer. Seattle wasn’t superbly dangerous, and she lived in a safer part of the city while she lived alone, but there didn’t seem any harm in the offer. He hadn't been pushy in any other regard, giving her just enough of a safety net that it wasn't the first place her mind went when he offered.

“Yeah, sure. Thank you.”

The pair walked with comfortable chatter the short distance between the sushi place and her apartment, walking up to the third floor together, hands brushing together for a short moment before she stops outside of her door.

“Well… this is it.”

“You’re not going to invite me in?” 

Jackson’s expression is half amused with his own question. April’s eyebrows shot up in surprise at the forwardness, but before she gets a chance to question or answer, the man leans in to close the distance between them, pressing his lips against hers.

The redhead freezes initially from the assault on her lips. But he’s a good kisser. She realizes that. And this was what her friends wanted her to do, right? After the first reaction, April reciprocates his motion, lips moving against his. It’s imperfect, a little messy, and the first kiss that she’s had in a very, very long time. But she enjoys it more than she thought.

April can’t keep up with how much time has passed, standing there making out in the middle of the hallway, but at some point, he moves them and her back is against the front door of her apartment. His hands are firm on her hips, and her chin is tilted up and his lips are marking up the pale skin of her neck. She doesn’t try to stop it or slow him down, even though it’s fast, faster than what she’s used to. It felt good enough that she doesn't think about the speed initially. Not until one of the hands on her hip slides up, gently kneading one of her breasts. It sends straight to between her thighs, and that’s when she realizes what he’s expecting.

“We–– stop. Please.”

Though Jackson’s surprised, he’s by no means an asshole. His hands come off her body and he steps back, but there’s obvious confusion written across his face.

“What?”

“What?” April echoes back at him, pulling a face. “We– we had one date. And you’re… you’re a very good kisser, and all, but… it was one date. It doesn’t have to be just one, I mean, that’s not what I’m saying, I just mean that–”

“April.” Jackson cuts her off, and he’s got that look in her eyes that she’s worried he might try and kiss her again. “I’m an escort. You know this is what I do, right”

“What?” April spits out the question a bit more aggressively than what she intended, hand going to the doorknob. “You’re – what?”

“I’m an escort.” Jackson repeats as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Her confusion was more amusing than what he’d show in his face. He had made it pretty clear to her coworker, but now it was becoming rather evident that the truth hadn’t been passed all the way along. Based on her reaction, he understood why. “We’ve all got to pay off those student loans somehow, right? It’s no big deal, April. It’s just something I do on the side. I figured your friend let you know that detail.”

“No, she didn’t… oh my god…” April lets out a shaky breath and shakes her head quickly, hands coming up to push the curls back out of my face. Thoughts screamed internally at Arizona a moment before focusing on the moment. “I don’t want to sleep with you. I don’t. Not at all.” An awkward pause. “Not that you’re not attractive, it’s just that I’m not really, I’m not that kind of girl, I just – I’m a virgin.” She finally blurts out.

There’s a brief pause as if Jackson is trying to decide whether or not she’s trying to pool the wool over his eyes. When he doesn’t take the words back, a smile cracks at his lips and he laughs, shaking his head slightly.

“Goodnight, April Kepner.” Jackson leans down, giving her a sweet, chaste kiss on the cheek. “I’ll call you tomorrow.” He promises before walking away, leaving her flushed and still pressed back against the apartment door.


	2. Explanations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annnd here's chapter 2, which was posted on Tumblr. After this one... new content! Hopefully sooner rather than later.

He’d made her curious.

As much as April didn’t want to admit it to herself, Jackson Avery certainly had. She’d never met anyone like him before, and all of the silly Lifetime movies that she’d found herself watching at weird hours in the morning when her mind needed a break from reality had always been about women and the terrible men that they got caught up in. The opposite had never crossed her mind before.

But a heated dream after their date, that she had attempted to chalk up to a buildup of hormones after nearly three decades of being a virgin and the… professional touch of a man had kept her curiosity peaked. The idea of him buried between her legs, making her tremble with desire. She couldn't quite imagine what it was like to be eaten out, but she can at least enjoy the beautiful mental image of his face between her legs, beautiful light eyes looking back up at her.

So yeah, she wanted to know more. But she was sure it was more than just being horny.

A week after their date, April had finally gotten the backbone to call him back. The surprise in his voice on the other side of the line was obvious, and she figured that he’d assumed she’d wanted to push their interaction to the back of her mind, not inquire about arranging another date between them – a date with very, very clear definitions of what she did and didn’t want. The latter, of course, being caught in the presumption he’d made on the other line. One that she still hadn’t brought up to her coworkers, always being as vague as possible whenever they asked about it, too embarrassed to even attempt to explain what had gone on.

Burgers were her suggestion, an attempt to be more casual. Even if they’d called it a date, she wasn’t so sure about pursuing a relationship with an escort. It didn’t make any sense to her. But that didn’t mean they couldn’t be friends. She wasn’t that judgemental.

“Hey, April,” Jackson greets her as she walks into the joint. He looks handsome as ever, even dressed down in jeans and a jacket.

“Hi, sorry if I’m late,” she began to apologize habitually.

“You’re not, don’t worry.”

Both of them go up to the counter to order, Jackson insisting on paying and April momentarily feeling guilty about ordering a strawberry shake instead of just a cup of water. Small talk consumes most of the meal, comparing their experiences at the hospitals, interesting cases that had popped up. She had never really taken plastics too seriously, if she was being honest, but he had a way of talking about it that made it seem more than just boob jobs. He seemed genuinely interested in making other people feel happy with themselves and their body, not just interested in the money that came with the career or the power high that came with being a surgeon. It was nice.

By the time that they’ve each swallowed their last ketchup drenched fry, they both know that neither really want to go home alone, but both have very different date expectations. If anything, April got another date arranged. Jackson always got a good night of sex. There wasn’t much middle ground.

Before the subject can be broached, though, her mouth gets the best of her.

“Why did you become an escort?”

She freezes after it comes out, regretting it almost immediately and her face turning red. Jackson, however, doesn’t have the same reaction. It’s fairly expected given how aghast she’d been when he told her in the first place.

“Paying off student loan debt. I’m almost done with it – but it would have taken much longer without it.” He explained calmly.

“But… I mean… why that? Instead of just picking up a second job…?” April’s trying desperately not to sound too judgmental, too much like that farm girl from Ohio who doesn’t understand the problems of the real world. She does, she certainly does. But her curiosity was getting the better of her.

Jackson pauses to answer, offering her an endearing smile and reaching across the table to take her hand. He stands up from the seat and guides her outside, preferring not to be overheard by anyone inside of there, and figuring fresh air might do the both of them a little good.

“It pays a lot better than a second job would, for one. I like what I do. I don’t just mean the sex. Being an escort… I mean, it’s not that black and white. A lot of these women who hire me, they’ve got some kind of problem going on at home, and I’m the way that they escape from it. They want company, someone who’s going to listen to their problems and not offers judgment, but support and sympathy. They want someone to tell them that they’re making the right decisions and doing the right thing. It’s more that than anything physical.”

The explanation was certainly more than what April was expecting, her slim eyebrows raising up into her forehead after the amount of honesty that poured from his lips. It was more complicated than what she’d expected.

“Oh.” The syllable is quiet leaving the redhead’s lips, silence falling between them a moment.

“That doesn’t sound easy.”

“It’s not. But making them feel good – it makes me feel good. Like being a doctor.”

The comparison only draws further surprise from April, and she goes quiet, realizing that he’d started walking them back toward her apartment without saying a word. His memory didn’t surprise her. Most doctors had a good memory. But she could tell that he was more relaxed this time than last time, speaking a little more freely.

“Don’t you want someone to do that for you?” April finally inquires after a moment, glancing over at him as they walk.

A slight chuckle leaves his lips, barely nodding his head.

“Yeah, that’s why I’m here.”


	3. Decisions

When April finds herself in bed that night, she can’t sleep first thing. It doesn’t take long for her to roll over and pull out her laptop, squinting at the bright glare that it created in the darkness while she waited for her vision to adjust. Pulling up her rarely used Facebook page, there’s a notification sitting for her in the corner.

_One new friend request._

Her mouse dragged across the screen as she clicked on it, not particularly surprised with the name that popped up. Jackson Avery. Of course.

April clicked accept immediately before opening up his profile and allowing herself to examine it. His profile picture was a respectable, high-quality photo of him in scrubs and a lab coat and looking away from the camera with a defined smile on his cheeks. A perfect photo, really, much better than the year-old selfie that she had as her own. Some of the details she already knew, his workplace and current location obviously enough, single something assumed. She hadn’t known that he’d gone to undergrad at UCLA or medical school at Harvard. Certainly hell of impressive credentials.

Scrolling continues, taking a jealous pause as he noticed a picture of him with two stunning women, looking clearly comfortable. Two more clicks and she's spiraling into full stalker mode, over examining all of his recent photos with clearly beautiful women.

An agitated sigh fell from her lips and she quickly shut her laptop, placing it on the nightstand and falling back against her pillow. Her eyes shut.

But she doesn't fall asleep immediately, as much as she may have wanted to or even needed to for the next day of work. Instead, all she can think about is the gorgeous women, younger and older, that Jackson must have surrounded himself with. The way that he had talked about it seemed so courteous and professional, nothing gross about it like she would have assumed on her own lack of knowledge. And yet it doesn't seem impersonal or like a job looking at those photos of him beaming. Surely he had to enjoy it more than just from the goodness of his heart. Maybe it's wrong of her to assume, but it's the only thing that she can think about when she finally drifted off into a sleepless dream.

__________________

When Jackson's alarm buzzed in the morning, snooze is the first thing that gets hit on his phone. Ten minutes later and he's finally rubbing the back of his eyes, stretching out and popping his back as a part of his normal morning routine.

The first notification on his phone is a text from April, asking if he's available for lunch. It's his day off from his hospital job, and his other job had him booked for the evening. No reason to reject her, so he doesn't. A time and place was quickly established between the two of them before he set off to his lazier morning routine, hopping in the shower and mindlessly watching the news as he had coffee for breakfast and cleaned up his apartment as much as necessary.

A few minutes before noon, they meet at a local diner. She's already at a booth in the window when he gets there.

"Hey," Jackson greeted her as he walked up and sat down. Menus were out and two glasses of water already poured were at the table. "I hope I didn't keep you waiting too long." He apologized as he offered one of his signature, charming smiles.

"You didn't, no worries. I was glad that you could come in the first place. Sorry that it was so last minute, I normally like to plan a little more." April offered an apology of her own with a sincere smile, her bottom lip just barely pulling between straight teeth. Maybe she'd been a little too obsessive with the social media stalking last night, but one she'd started... well, it'd been hopeless from there.

Small talk is interrupted by the appearance of their waitress asking if they'd like any more drinks or appetizers, both getting shot down. There's a small lull as they each look over the menu, Jackson eventually ordering a burger and April settling on a soup and salad.

"Do you mind if I ask you something?" April questioned when the menus are taken away and she figured that they had a few minutes to themselves without the worry of being interrupted. The diner is noisy enough that she doesn't think much about the possibility of being overheard by the people around them. It's his secret, after all, not hers. That in itself makes it easier to be a little less careful with.

"Sure. I think the point of dating is getting to know each other, anyways." Jackson offered.

April hadn't been quite sure whether or not they were at the point of calling this a date, but hearing the word come from his mouth instead of her own first settled that inquiry by itself. One thing checked off the list, too bad they were still a hundred things left to go. The one at the forefront of her mind could only be held off for so long before it was burst out inappropriately, and she knew that she needed to go forward with it sooner rather than later. A deep breath filled her lungs as she attempted to give herself a little more bravery before she continued, not wanting to say the wrong thing and risk offending him and screwing things up. Even if she didn't know quite how to feel about what he was doing outside of the hospital, he seemed like a good guy. A kind man. Not one to cast aside solely from judgment, at least.

"This... what you do, do you enjoy it?" _Fail._ Not at all what she'd intended to ask, but she was at least warming up to it. April doesn't make an attempt to correct herself just yet, giving him the chance to answer.

"Yeah. For the reasons I already told you, y'know. I enjoy making people feel better about themselves."

April stilled for a moment as if she was unsatisfied with the answer, but it wasn't the case. She was frustrated by her own ability to say what she wanted to say. Fingers pinched the top of her straw nervously for a moment, moving it around the ice in the plastic glass.

"What about the sex?" Closer, a bit. But not by much.

"Sure, most of the time. But the focus isn't really about me. And I don't consider myself a prostitute. That's completely different. I know that a lot of people don't see it that way, but what I do is a lot more than just sex." Jackson didn't have it in himself to be defensive about his work just yet. He knew how most people judged, but he fully believed that came from a lack of information or misinformation. On his own terms, he wouldn't contribute to that. Answering questions was his way of hoping for acceptance.

"If you were dating another woman, though, don't you think that's cheating on your girlfriend?"

There's the question that April had been trying to ask, more or less. Jealousy had stirred in the pit of her stomach all night as she thought about Jackson with a variety of other women. There was a difference in knowing that other women found him attractive, and knowing that he was actually sleeping with other women. Maybe it wasn't just straightforward sex, but there seemed like some kind of emotional component. It seemed impossible for that to just be one-sided.

Jackson was surprised by the boldness of the question, but before he gets the chance to interrupt, the waitress returned with their food. They both sat back staring at each other in silence as it's placed down in front of them, muttered thank you's proceeding before they can resume the conversation.

"No. It's just work."

A depersonalized answer, but from his end, it's the truth. April can't bring herself to pick up a spoon or fork for a moment, though her gaze dropped to stare mindlessly at the food in front of her. Silence is enough of response to show that she disagreed, it seems.

He forced back a sigh, not digging into his food yet as he sensed her discomfort. "It's okay to disagree, you know. We don't have to agree about everything. I get this is new to you." It's as understanding of an answer as he can offer, slowly picking up a fry and tossing it into his mouth, beginning to feel as if he was treading into dangerous territory with her.

"I mean... I know it's okay to disagree. Obviously, it is. But I like you, a lot. You seem like a really great guy," she takes a deep breath with a heavy pause filling the gap between her words. "And I'd like to date you. But I don't know how to date you while knowing that you're getting paid to sleep with all these other women. Especially since... I want to wait till marriage. I'm not trying to be judgy about what you do. That's the last thing I'm trying to be." Her eyes finally lifted up as she finished.

"But that just would make me feel inadequate, knowing that you're running off with other women. Like I'm not good enough for you."


	4. Propositions

Jackson should have seen it coming.

A girl like April, really, he should have seen it coming from a mile away. As sweet and thoughtful as she was, it had already been made clear that her brain didn’t work quite the same way as his did. She was involved in what she did, didn’t know how to make herself emotionally distant. It’s a dangerous thing, as a surgeon, and he has to pause for a moment and wonder how she handled things at work if she was already so invested in what he was doing with his time outside of residency. 

“It’s not about you, April.” His words come out slightly harsher than what the intention had necessarily been, but he doesn’t take it back or apologize merely because they’re true. His work was about himself, he’d done it long before her. Maybe he hadn’t dated a lot since he’d picked up this job, but he’d never blamed it on the content of the gif. It didn’t leave a lot of spare time or energy for dating. That was just the way that it was.

The redhead’s gaze dropped down, bottom lip rolling between her teeth harshly as she picked up her fork and mindlessly pushed around the salad. She was at a momentary loss for words.

“I didn’t mean to make it about me,” she offered. It was supposed to be something resembling an apology but the word sorry doesn’t actually manage to make it out of her mouth. Instead, April looked like a wounded puppy. Bordered on selfishness for her and yet Jackson couldn’t hold it against her, not when she was looking at him like that.

“I know.” Kind, but not apologizing for her.

Quiet resumed for a moment with neither of them sure what to say, taking the opportunity to get a few mouthfuls of food in. It was still supposed to be lunch, after all. Jackson couldn’t quite let go of what she’d said, but neither could April. She was stuck on the idea that he’d always have another woman to go running off to, even if the attachment was supposedly a physical one, not something emotional. Yet he’d talked about it so kindly… she can’t quite accept the idea.

“You don’t think that you’d feel the same way if it was me running off with men?” It’s a bit of a pushy question and relying on the idea that he probably had some kind of sexism inside of him, even if he didn’t want to actually admit it. Wrong of her, entirely. She can’t figure out why she was pushing the subject so fiercely when she barely knew him. 

Except she can, really.

Their first date had been magnificent and wonderful. He’d been the most charming date that she’d ever had, seemed all too perfect. Perhaps this was the fatal flaw. April didn’t want to think of it that way, in her nature to give chance after chance. She couldn’t quite realize that in the moment, she was the one who was in need of those same chances.

“As long as you’re being safe, no.” Jackson’s words emitted confidence even though he had no way of being sure about it. He’s a jealous person by nature, even if that wasn’t something that he wanted to own up to when she was pestering him about the topic.

“And are you? Being safe?”

“Of course.”

April knew that it was a little different for males and females. There’s always the risk of diseases and infections for any member of the part, but men didn’t have to worry about pregnancy in the same way that women had. They could opt out, if they wanted to. And if the women that he was with were rich enough to be able to do something like this with him, well, she assumed that they weren’t going to be the type to come knocking back nine months later demanding child support.

She wanted to pester him more, but she could feel her inquiries becoming disingenuous. The questions begged to be asked to get him to think more about what he was doing and understand things from her own point of view. Tomato basil soup is slurped slowly as he took another munch out of his burger, trying to figure out where to go from here.

“I don’t think I’m being judgmental,” she started slowly. “I just like you, a lot. That’s all. And maybe I don’t get it, but… I’d like to.”

The words seemed genuine, in Jackson’s opinion. Maybe he could have asked for more understanding or acceptance from her, but it was a good start.

Because he couldn’t deny the spark that he’d felt on their first date, either. Even if he’d approached it from the wrong mindset, putting on a professional charm more than a personal one, he’d been able to let himself out since then. And it felt good to just relax and be himself with someone, not have to think about a paycheck or making things completely about her. This was something that could be mutually beneficial, nothing about money. She was a resident just like him. She’d understand some of the financial hardships that needed to be dealt with, even if not quite to the same extent. But she’d understand the busyness, the exhaustion, that he couldn’t always be on his A game when it came to personal time. And that was a lot of what he needed, to just be himself without having to worry about the consequences of it.

“Maybe I can help you understand.” Jackson offered after a quiet moment of pondering.

“How?”

“Well, you know what it’s like to date, and you know what it’s like to date me. Maybe I’m getting a little cocky here, but I think that we happened to have a pretty good first date. This one isn’t going so bad, either. We’re having a real conversation, and that means something,” he took a deep breath, pausing slightly before he could get to his point. “Let’s have a night where I’ll show you what it’d be like if you hired me. No charge. And I know no sex, either. But you might understand why I don’t consider it cheating if you got a better idea of what it’s really like.”

The suggestion is enough for April to fall quiet with consideration, thin brows knitting together. That hadn’t been the proposition that she was expecting from him in the slightest, and she praised herself for not having an over the top react immediately. Yet… something about it doesn’t quite make sense. Mostly, she can’t picture what it’d be like if it wasn’t just sex. And she didn’t like being unprepared for anything. That was the quickest way to get her anxious with just about anything, and dating in itself tended to grip her nerves harshly.

"What do you think?" Jackson questioned with a raise of her brows, trying to figure out just what was going on inside of her head. He leaned back in his seat slightly, light eyes never leaving the features of her face.

"It's not a terrible idea," April breathed out, lips pressing together and forming a small smile. It's a little crazy, sure. A little out there. But so was what he did, in her opinion... which meant it made a little bit of sense, she could reason. "How would it work, exactly?" She didn't want to dive into things completely blind, and this seemed like one of those things that Google wasn't going to help her out much with."

"I think it's better if I just show you than tell you. I'll come to your place. How's Thursday night?"

Questions still whirred inside of April's head as she fought with the urge to interrogate him further about what all this was going to entail. Thursday gave her three days to prepare and try to figure out exactly what was going to happen. It also gave her a little more time to research this escort thing and see if she could find some kind of non-biased information about it, even if that seemed unlikely. She wanted to understand more than she wanted to judge, and right now, it felt as if she was doing the opposite. Even with her efforts, she's still somewhat self aware.

But maybe he was right. Maybe it was a good idea. If he wasn't going to push her into having sex, then there was no harm in getting a little sample of what it was. It'd make her either more jealous, or it'd make her understanding. She hoped it was the latter, even if it seemed unlikely.

"Okay. Thursday. Let's do it."


	5. Date Night

The days between their dates came and went in a flash.

April had to wonder how he had time to maintain a second job and sleep when she barely had time to sift through the internet and try to find somewhat reliable information on the subject. She remembered how hard it'd been during undergrad and med school to work a job, but the consequences of being in a less than stellar state in mind weren't quite as heavy or lethal as they were now. She couldn't imagine that things at his hospital were any less chaotic than they were at Seattle Grace.

But some internet searching did come to light, laying in bed at night. Of all the places on the internet, she'd ended up on the eighteen-plus section of Reddit reading about people's experiences with prostitutes and escorts. She knew that they weren't quite the same thing, but... it was still sex work, even if his choice seemed to be much safer than the image she had of prostitution. 

The information she found ended up unsatisfying.

It was hard to find information just from a woman's perspective – and she spent a while wondering if women were his only clients. It's none of her business, really, but... there was something a little hot about thinking of Jackson with another man. Even if it stirs the same amount of jealousy that thinking of him with a woman does. What stirred more jealously, however, was the one story that she'd read about an escort ending up a girlfriend. That sounded like something out of a Lifetime movie more than something she'd ever hear about from a friend, yet she doesn't like it either way. Rationally, she knew that she had no right to be jealous of him yet. They'd been on a few dates, but they weren't at the point of putting labels on anything just yet. Especially when this still felt like some point of contention between them.

A consistent trend had been about a lack of intimacy, though, and that made her feel better about the envy that had been brewing inside of her. Yet it simultaneously made her more anxious about the date that they had planned.

By Thursday night, April doesn't feel prepared.

She sat on the couch anxiously waiting for him, having dressed up in a flattering navy dress and nude heels. She knew that they weren't going out anywhere but still felt obligated to doll herself up.

When the knock on her apartment door is finally heard, she jumped up to get it. She had lucked out that Reed was working the night shift and she wouldn't have to worry about any interruptions in the form of her tiny roommate. Bouncing over to get the door, a quick smile flitted across her lips as she pulled it upward and naturally lifted her chin so that she could meet Jackson's eyes.

"Hey."

"Hey, come on in."

"How are you doing? You look amazing." Jackson stepped inside of her place as he asked the question, sliding the jacket off of his shoulders and setting it on one of the hooks by the door. A small glance around is given before gaze resettled on her face, a charming smile warming his features. The affection found across the handsome face was something different, prepossessing as always, but... different. 

An artificial edge there, a falsified Duchenne. He had said that he'd make it like a work night, and that was a part of it. His intention wasn't to disengage with her, but the person that she had been on dates didn't quite align with the professional. Jackson needed her to see that, see that he was acting when he was paid to be with women. He wanted April to know that his enjoyment of her company was something real and genuine, something that didn't need to be falsified for the both of them to have a good time.

"Thanks," she smiled. "I'm good. How are you? Do you want something to eat or drink?" Out with the hostess card.

"No, I'm fine. Thanks. Why don't we sit down?"

The pair migrated over toward the couch amicably, both of them sitting down and angled in toward the center with just a few centimeters between their knees. Jackson's eyes traveled over the entirety of April's frame, and she could feel her cheeks warming to a rosy hue.

"Why don't you take off your shoes? I know they can't be that comfortable."

"Sure," April gave a nod of her head as she slipped the heels off of her feet, giving a slight wiggle to kick them aside. What she wasn't expecting was for Jackson to give a slight bend over and pick up both of her feet and place them into his lap, adjusting to the motion without thinking to make the position more comfortable for the both of them. Two strong hands move to one foot and begin to massage the skin there thoughtlessly, thumbs digging into the arches of her foot and producing hedonistic gratification. A content breath escaped her lips for just a moment, taking a few seconds to enjoy it before she can let the questions come swirling back into her mind.

But of course, they do. All of the pages she'd read online had thrown around the word pleasure so many times it'd nearly lost all meaning to her. She can only push off the inevitable so long, even if she doesn't want to turn tonight into an interrogation.

"Thanks. You don't have to do that, though," April started.

"No, but I want to," Jackson gave his answer without a beat of hesitation. His hands switched over to her other foot before he continued to speak. "I told you, what I do is about making women feel good about themselves. Physically and mentally. And I told you that I wasn't going to force you into anything that you didn't want to do. If you want to stop, all you have to do is say something. I want to go at your pace." Something he wanted to be clear.

April's bottom lip rolled between her teeth as she offered a nod of her head, gaze dropping momentarily to his hands. She was working to try and push the questions away from the forefront of her mind, but they didn't seem particularly willing to budge. "How exactly do you manage that without the sex?" She finally blurted out, hazel hues moving back up toward his face.

"This is a start," Jackson murmured. His head dipped down and he lifted up the foot he was working on, placing a soft kiss on the inside of her ankle. Goosebumps raise along pale skin and despite the nerves still eating away at her stomach, April let a smile out. "There's plenty of kissing that can be done, if that's what you want." His hand ran along the smooth skin of her leg, freshly shaved and slathered in lotion in preparation, stopping modestly at her knee and sliding back down the length of her calf before returning to massage the muscles of her feet. "But some women just want someone who's going to talk to them the way that their husband or boyfriend should be talking to them, you know? They like the attention, the emotional support. You– you seem like you'd go for that. And with you, it'd be easy. You're brilliant, beyond the fact that you're in one of the most competitive surgical residencies in the country. You've got this intelligence with people that can't be taught, but it sure as hell can be admired. And I do admire it."

The color in April's cheeks had only deepened, and she had to wonder if his words were artificial or organic. She hoped desperately for the latter, even if she had to question how many other women that similar comments had been made to. Truthfully, she did care much more about the intimacy of conversation than the physical interaction. A foot rub was nice, yeah, but she'd take the late night, genuine conversations over sex. Maybe a little easier said as a virgin, sure, but she liked to think that her point would have stood either way.

"Now, if this were the real deal... you probably would have suggested that we go to your bedroom. Beds are a little comfier." Her foot is raised once more to place another kiss on her ankle, Jackson offering her a smile as he did so.

"Do you want to? Go to my bedroom, I mean? We can."

The answer that he had to offer her was a silent one, hands drifting away from her feet as he stood up, only to scoop her small frame up into her arms and pick her up bridal style. Laughter split open her cheeks into a smile and April shook her head even though she did find it charming, bottom lip just pulling between nearly straight teeth. He carried her as if she weighed nothing in the world, her guidance making sure they ended up in the correct bedroom. When he set her down on the bed, he's gentle as ever.

Jackson settled down on the bed next to her, making sure to kick off his shoes before allowing himself to stretch out next to her. A hand moved to her hip for a moment, gently stroking along the side of her curves but keeping his touch relatively appropriate.

"You're beautiful, April Kepner. Beautiful and brilliant." His head dipped to the meeting between her neck and shoulder, lips pressing a gentle kiss on the soft skin found there. A large hand moved to the flat plane of her stomach and pulled her in a little closer against his muscular frame, taking a breath in and picking up on the floral scent of the perfume that she'd spritzed on earlier in the afternoon. "And you could have any man in the world," he continued. "But you only deserve the best that man can offer you. Don't settle for anything less than that. Not for dating, not for sex, not for anything." There's something intimate about the flattery that he offered her.

"Now... if we were really doing this? All of it? I'd have pushed up that dress of yours, pulled down those panties, and eaten that pretty pussy of yours until you were pushing me away."

The thought is hot. Really hot.

But at the same time, as much as it turns on her body, it doesn't on her brain.

"Don't," April shook her head as she rolled onto her side so that she could look at Jackson more directly. She adjusted herself, propping up slightly so that she could lean forward and press her lips to his. There's more heat behind it than what she intended, nearly panting to catch her breath as she pulled away to speak again. "I don't... I don't need you to keep showing me what this is like. I get it. Heavily complimented, really good sex. But if this was a normal date No offense, but, I'd be running in the other direction. It's too charming. Too much. You're suffocating me with the flirting."

Jackson couldn't help but laugh at the response. Truthfully, he hadn't expected the charade to go on for very long. She was too real, too down to earth to enjoy what he was doing. The women he was with usually needed some kind of emotional or physical release, but she was satisfied on her own.

"I get it. It's not everyone's cup of tea. But it pays good and honestly, I probably won't have to do it but for a few more months. Most of my loans are almost done being paid off," he explained. Even if he wasn't the type to complain about what he was doing, Jackson knew that it wasn't something that would stay up forever. On top of his residency, it was exhausting to have to do this all the time. He wanted to think about his own wellbeing for once.

"I just want to date you like a normal person," April admitted sheepishly. "Strings attached, genuine relationship. And if you're doing this for a few more months, well... that's okay. As long as you're not wearing yourself thin and you still have time for me."

A smile stretched broad across Jackson's features, and he rolled over so that he was hovering on top of her, both hands resting beside her head and careful not to rest uncomfortably on red locks of hair. Arms flex as he bent down to kiss her, hard and firm, but not too intrusive. She tasted like strawberries, warm and inviting, even if he had to remind himself of the clearly established boundaries placed between the two of them. Even if he wanted more, she was someone worth waiting for. It didn't take a lot of getting to know her to be able to figure that out.

"Then we'll date, like two normal people," he murmured against her lips. "Because that's exactly what we are."


	6. Forward

Between two incredibly busy schedules, it’s nearly impossible for them to have dates as frequently as they wanted to. If it wasn’t one thing, it was another – and it didn’t help that the both of them had boards coming up in a few months, which studying for minimized their already slim time together. Their most recent date was defined by pizza and flashcards, tossing ideas at each other back and forth until they had fried their brains completely.

When April woke up for work the next morning, limbs were sprawled messily and tangled up with Jackson’s beneath the cover of his bed, still in her jeans and blouse from the day before. A loud yawn opened her mouth and alerted her to her own morning breath, shifting comfortably and feeling her spine pop before her vision cleared up just enough to decipher the time on the clock.

“Jackson, Jackson! Wake up! We’re late!” She scrambled to get out of bed, a quick run to the bathroom to use the toilet and brush her teeth with his toothbrush occurring.

He wasn’t nearly as fast moving as she was, but he wasn’t in quite the same rush to get ready. His own shift didn’t start until two hours after hers, and she’d woken up just about the time that she should have left for work. But he’s not a fool, either, he was well aware the lateness was one of her biggest pet peeves. He used the bathroom shortly after she did, pulling a shirt over his naked torso before finding her in his living room, wiggling her way back into her boots and jacket.

“Let me take you,” Jackson suggested as he grabbed his car keys, giving her a sweet, long kiss on the lips. “We can study again tonight.”

“Okay,” April agreed easy enough. The drive from his apartment wasn’t quite as short as the one from her own but she doesn’t mind, soft classical music playing on the radio at her own insistence about how it would be good for the both of them and their studying habits. Conversation flows quietly, neither of them completely able to rid their minds of all of the stress that was impending, hinged on the fact that their entire careers would be determined by their boards. She didn’t have a fall back plan and, well, she hoped that that was mostly true for Jackson as well.

When they pull up to the hospital, April wasn’t quite as late as she’d thought that she would be when the two of them first woke up this morning. Quick, chaste kisses are exchanged as she gets out of the car, a mixture of feelings swirling through her gut when she realized that Callie and Arizona were both walking in at the same time as her. And Arizona had absolutely seen who she had gotten out of the car with.

Upon noticing it, an attempt is made to scurry past the both of them without drawing any more attention to herself, knowing that it was much more acceptable for two department heads to come in a few minutes late than it was for the fifth year attending. Despite the slim efforts, Arizona was quick to pin her down.

“Oh, oh! That’s the boy!” The blonde hooked her arm up with April’s, slowing her down.

“What boy?” Callie inquired.

“Owen and I set April up with a resident over at Seattle Pres months ago! Well, a resident who also… y’know, is really good at sex. Because he does it on the side. Anyways, not important right now. What is important? Someone didn’t tell me that the two were still seeing each other.” Arizona was practically squealing with every word that came out of her mouth, white teeth on full display by the smile on her cheeks.

“First of all, we’re not sleeping together.” April clarified quickly.

“Bullshit!” Callie interjected. “Come on, I saw him. If I wasn’t in love with Arizona, I’d do him.”

“Good for you. But I’m not sleeping with him.”

“So why’s he driving you to work this early in the morning, sunshine? The two of you must be doing something if you’re already having sleep overs together.” Arizona pried her for more information, brows forming a little furrow above bright blue eyes.

A sigh passed through April’s lips as the three women made it through the doors of the hospital, hands smoothing over her wrinkled shirt as she stopped in her place. “I spent the night, yes,” she started. “But I did not sleep with him and you are not going to convince me to before I’m ready. Which, you know my prerequisites for that. We’re dating. Last night, actually, wasn’t supposed to be a sleepover. But the two of us fell asleep studying for our boards together and he offered to drive me here this morning,” she explained.

Although neither Arizona or Callie look completely convinced with the story that she had offered, April’s demeanor demonstrated some confidence between the straight back and raised eyebrows. Before the point could be pushed too much more from either of them, Callie’s pager was already going off and she excused herself from the remainder of the conversation.

“Fine, fine, I’ll drop the sex,” Arizona gave in with her expression softening though a smile remained. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to hear about the two of you. Because I absolutely do. All the little details. Including his little side business. I mean, is he still doing it even though you guys are together?”

“Yeah.” The shortness of her answer displayed the small twinge of jealousy she’d never been able to completely eradicate.

“Oh my god! April!” It’s a squeal leaving Arizona’s lip, her jaw falling agape. Even though Arizona had been the one to go through with it, she didn’t know much about it besides the basics. But what she did know quite a bit more about? April. And she would have never anticipated little Miss April Kepner to be the type of girl to be okay with her boyfriend doing something like that on the side.

“It’s– we talked about it, Arizona. It’s not like he’s tried to lie to me about it. We talked about it extensively and I’m fine with it. Besides, it’s not like it’s a permanent thing, but… he’ll still be the same person by the end of it. And I love him.” She admitted, wetting her lips. “I want to be with him.”

"Kepner!" Bailey's voice interrupted. "Why are you down here chatting when there's work to be done?"

That was all it took for the conversation between the two women to drop suddenly, scurrying off in opposite directions to get their own jobs done. Even Arizona didn't want to mess with that, and truthfully, April didn't want to get into the conversation too much deeper with Arizona. She didn't want to question just yet what she'd already established in her head to be the truth.

_________________________

There's a gap between their shifts at the end of the day, and April took advantage of the extra time that she had by getting in both a healthy dinner and a little more study time. Likely, she was going overboard with the studying – but as far as she was concerned, that was completely impossible. a test like that wasn't something that any person could have been completely prepared for.

"Hey, babe," Jackson greeted as he came up to her, a smile offered across her features. "I've got good news," he announced. "We'll talk about it when we get back to my place." He reached out to take her hand, the two of them walking comfortably side by side out to the parking lot.

April drifted off a little bit in the car, the lull of traffic and music in the background making it easy for her head to rest back and get a few minutes of shuteye. When they reached his apartment, Jackson only gave her a gentle nudge and tease awake again, her cheeks still red by the time they reached his apartment door. A few brief moments are taken to settle back in, dropping bags and coats before making their way to the couch.

"So, what's the good news?"

"Well, I've been doing the math for my finances, bills, everything... and thinking about the future. I found a nice apartment building, most amenities, a washer and dryer included, most utilities included in the recent... We could move in together. It's nice and it's a one bedroom. We could afford it. The deposit is first and last month, but one more job with this lady, and I'd be done with that stuff, for good. Sell my list of clients, starting saving up. We could really do it." Excitement ran through Jackson as he opened up about the possibility with her, something that he'd been doing for months. It'd save the both of them time, make dating a lot easier. Maybe it seemed soon after just a few months of dating, but that was all it had taken for him to figure out that she was the right one. She was the one worth making a change for, even if she hadn't asked him to. She was it.

As thrilling as the news was, April couldn't help but be caught off guard by all of it for a moment. Lids flutter a few times as she processed all of it. Moving in together was a big step, and she'd have to see the place for herself. But right now, not knowing the apartment seemed like the scariest part of it, not taking a step forward in their relationship by moving in together.

"I think... that's a great idea." A smile accompanied the words as April answered him. "I want to see the place for myself, but I like the idea. Of all of it... moving in together, you being able to focus on your career as a surgeon." The latter was worded carefully, a habit that she had developed since becoming more accepting of what he did. She'd learned not to be critical, and this concern was an honest, non-judgmental one. She always wanted to make sure that he had enough time for the job they shared so as to not consequentially affect his future.

Both of them huddle up by his computer so that she could go through the apartment website herself. Jackson had done a good job of balancing out everything that she wanted with the location and feasibility of what they could both afford, even if it was likely that the following year both of their budgets would go up significantly. If they passed their boards. The point of discussion came up between the both of them and it doesn't take long before noses are buried into books and meticulously handwritten notes of April's, absorbing every detail and bouncing back and forth about the different surgeries that had gone on in their separate hospitals today. Even if being at different hospitals often felt like a burden, sometimes it had its advantages. They got to hear about twice the amount of surgeries than they would have on just their own.

The night ended similarly to the one before, a video of a newly popular procedure playing on his laptop and the two of them close together so they could both watch it. Nearly two-thirds way through the clip, April found herself drifting off to sleep once again, her head laid on Jackson's shoulders and breathing evened out. He doesn't notice it initially, a few more minutes of the video playing before he realized.

When he does, Jackson smiled softly to herself, turning his head so that he could press a gentle kiss to her forehead. The first thing he did was set an alarm on his phone, knowing that she'd need to get up early to shower and not show up to work in the same clothes for the third day in a row. Then, he scooped her up into his arms and carried her back to the bedroom, setting her down gently. He didn't undress her in full, knowing she wouldn't be completely comfortable with that, instead just undoing her jeans and folding them, setting them down onto the nightstand before covering her with his bedsheets. A few more tidying maneuvers are made before he stripped down to boxers, his usual pajamas, and joined her.

"I'm going to marry the hell out of you at the end of all this, April Kepner."

The words are whispered to her sleeping form affectionately, another kiss placed on top of her head before curling up behind her to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you think that this is the end as far as all of the escort related things go... well, all I'm going to say is stay tuned. :)


	7. Goals

The boards could have gone worse.

Jackson convinced himself of that much, at least. He had thought that he was nervous going into it, but it wasn’t until he met up with April there at the hotel bar that he realized his nerves were nothing compared to the impending breakdown that she was having. Two beers were enough to take the edge off for him, keep him just far enough from being nervous, but not enough alcohol in him to be considered intoxicated. April, meanwhile, had downed two glasses of wine without any kind of hesitation and still had the jitters. No amount of shoulder squeezes or back rubs seemed to calm her.

But he can’t stay with her, as much as he wanted to. He walked her to her hotel room and pressed a sweet kiss on her lips before leaving her there to process on her own. Hopefully, she’d get some sleep – they both needed it. This was the day that was going to define the rest of their future, and neither of them could mess up.

Making his way back to his own room the floor below, he sighed as he turned on the lights. The other residents in his class were in the rooms next door, but Jackson preferred to spend the remainder of the night on his own. April’s presence was the only one who could mollify his own worries, about how he needed this. He loved her. But he wasn’t an idiot, and he knew that she didn’t adore the other side to him, even if she’d been willing to accept it. Truthfully, he wasn’t the biggest fan of it anymore. The more time that he spent with her, the less time that he wanted to spend with those women. Pleasing them had grown less and less important to him, regardless of the paycheck that came at the end.

April’s happiness was all he really cared about now. Initially, he’d thought that he needed something for himself to hold onto, but he’d realized that gorgeous smile of hers was more than enough to fix the things in his heart that needed stitches. She made him happier than anything ever had. He needed her.

A quick shower is taken, drying off before moving over to his still packed suitcase to pull on a pair of boxers to sleep in. He and April had made plans to stay in the city for an extra day after their boards were taken, a little opportunity for the two of them to have some time for themselves. A first vacation. But he’d made bigger plans, hinging on both of them passing their boards. Slacks and a button down are unpacked and hung up in the closet of the hotel room.

The small pocket inside of the suitcase is this unzipped, pulling out a black velvet box. Jackson opened it to look at the ring inside, smiling to himself. This was the real reason that he’d gone at it a little longer than usual, something that he hadn’t told April. An expensive proposal ring, and the start of a small wedding fund. Their paychecks would inevitably increase as they transitioned from residents to fellows and attending, but this was something more than that.

He thought he did a good job of picking out the ring. A cathedral style, rose gold band. A pretty ornament for her fingers, something to tie over till they were actually married. Slim and feminine, but nothing over the top. He thought that she would love it.

A new flutter of nerves hit him, but this time, it’s excitement. Jackson could finally see a real future for himself, something meaningful and happy. He’d never wanted to be the man who had to pick between having a family and having a career, and he wanted both. With the latter being finalized tomorrow, he wanted the aforementioned to come into play as soon as possible afterward. He’d known that he wanted to do this since near the beginning, and nothing was going to change his mind now. They just both had to get through tomorrow.

Sleep doesn’t come easily that night, but it does eventually come.

They’re both a little messier in the morning than they had been the night before, but it’s to be expected. All they can do is smile at each other from across the lobby, suctioned off with their own independent hospitals. April wanted to run over to him and steal one last hug and kiss before going in, but she was nervous enough that any jolt of movement risked throwing up.

Jackson gets through his without any abnormal issues coming up. He’s smart, and he’d always been good on the spot, even under the immense pressure. None of his proctors were complete assholes, even if overanalyzing the situation in his head made him hate them just a little. But by the end of the day, he didn’t feel terrible about all he had been through. The nerves were still there residually, but they weren’t enough to completely destroy all hopes that he had for the future.

April, on the other hand, nearly breaks down in the middle of it. Her intelligence was off the chart and yet she’s never been as good with people. Patients? Easy. Her maternal instinct was there, always had been. All she had to do was mom them, and she could get through the patient care aspect of being a surgeon without any faults. Her break is spent reapplying deodorant and patting her forehead with paper towels to try and keep her makeup from looking quite so oily. At the end of it, she throws up. It made her feel at least a little better.

“Hey, angel.”

“Hey!”

She barreled herself into his arms immediately, her face nuzzled into the crook of his neck. Jackson’s arm wrapped tightly around her frame, half of an amused smile warming his expression as he gave her a little squeeze. He’d anticipated that she’d be a little more of a mess throughout the entire process.

With the rest of their coworkers returning to Seattle, dinner at Nopalito was on the agenda. Planning to do a lot in such a short amount of time was a little unfeasible, so he’d kept their agenda short. Dinner, margaritas, then an Uber over to Twin Peaks to enjoy the view of the city. Tomorrow would be the big day, after all, once the confirmation came in that they’d both gotten through their boards and were on their way to being amazing surgeons. He knew that she had offers from all over the country, and he had a few lined up for himself as well. Going together had been silently assumed but never discussed, but he’d give a reason for the discussion to come up.

Their date night ran through smoothly. April’s nerves disappeared after the second margarita and lightened her up for the remainder of the evening. The hike up to the peak wasn’t too bad and she was excited to get such an amazing shot of the city on her phone, always having loved photography. As far as Jackson was concerned? The view was good. But her excitement was better.

Both of them spend the night in her hotel room, much easier for him to come and go than her. Jackson curled up around her tightly for the night, hoping that this would be the last one before the two of them were engaged.

They sleep in and catch a late brunch at the hotel before coming back up to her room so that she could get dressed. April knew that they were going to the Golden Gate Bridge today, but she didn’t know what all was to come with the date. She’d assumed that it was just another sightseeing trip, like the simple one that they had gone on last night. He’d given her a heads up to look nice for a fancy dinner that night, and she’d spent time hunched over the bathroom counter and applying makeup. Just enough time that she nearly forgot about the email they were both waiting on.

“Oh– shoot, it’s almost time. Where’s my phone?”

Jackson tossed her phone over casually, second glance given to make sure that she’d caught it. All he needed to do was go down to his room and get changed, but instead, he’s sitting on the edge of her bed and hunched over his phone, obsessively refreshing his email.

“I haven’t gotten mine yet, don’t worry.” He offered up.

April plopped down onto the bed next to him with half curled hair, opening up her email and refreshing. The only pop up was some stupid promotional email from Pinterest. Not exactly what she was looking for, a sigh passed through her lips. Jackson’s arm wrapped around her frame, hand running along her side to provide a little comfort.

The two of them alternate their refreshing, counting to ten each time between to try and keep it from being quite as fanatical. April’s is the first to come in, and they both tense when they realize that it’s the right email.

“I–I’ll wait until you get yours. We can open it together,” she offered, glancing up at her boyfriend.

He wanted to insist that she open it, give her this moment. But the longer that he had to wait, the more nervous Jackson became about the issue. “Okay,” he agreed with a slight nod of his head, giving another refresh of his email.

Two more long minutes passed between the two of them before his own email finally popped up, and they both released a breath of relief. Finally.

“Okay, on the count of three.” Jackson started with a nod of his head.

“One…”

“Two.”

“Three!”

Both emails are opened and read through simultaneously until they find the words that they were waiting for at the end of it. They’d passed. The glances over at the other phones are in sync as they make sure that the other has the same good news, before the squeals and dances of excitement start. A hard kiss is shared between the two of them with excitement getting the best of them, neither of them able to stop the joy from spreading across their features.

"Go, finish getting ready," Jackson nudged her with another quick kiss being pressed to her forehead. One goal down, and the other would hopefully be checked off by the end of the day. "I'm going to run down to get changed. Be right back." He promised.

The Uber over to the bridge felt like it was impossibly long, and all of his effort was put in to keep his leg from shaking, hand staying inside his pocket so that the box with her ring didn't fall out. April looked amazing. She always did, but today especially – her hair fell in long curls down the length of her back, and she was wearing an otherwise modest navy dress that she managed to make look sexy. A few glances were given to her hand, already beginning to imagine what the ring would look like resting on her finger.

Hands held together, they make their way down the pedestrian walkway with chatter. April stopped to take pictures and all Jackson could do was stare at her lovingly, only interrupted with laughter when she turned the camera onto him and he brushed it away. 

They only make it about a third of a way down when he started talking, knowing that this was the opportunity he needed.

"I knew that you'd like coming here. Did you know that the Golden Gate Bridge is apparently the most photographed bridge in the world? That made me think of you. I mean, I've never seen someone take so many pictures of a city that they actually lived in. But watching you get so excited over just capturing a moment like that... to be honest, it's kind of changed the way I see things. The way I see my own life, my future. It's made me learn to appreciate living in the moment a lot more than I ever have before. And I like that I've changed like that. I like how you've changed me. You've made me a better person, April. And you've made me happier than I've ever been my entire life, even when most of our dates are spent half dead with exhaustion from work and everything else that we've got going on in our lives. But I can't imagine being like this with anyone else. I know that you've never really liked how many women that I've known and been with. The truth is, no matter how many women there are... none of them are ever going to compare to you. What I do on the side has only made me realize how much I love you, and how important you are to me, April. You mean everything to me. Absolutely everything."

There were tears forming in the redhead's eyes, and Jackson had to wonder if she knew exactly where this was going. One hand took hers, the other fishing into the pocket of his pants to pull out the tiny black box. The gasp is more than enough to let him know the answer that was coming, but he doesn't stop. He wanted her to hear absolutely everything that he had to say, because she deserved it.

"I love you, angel. I love the way you laugh and smile, the way that you challenge me. The way that you never give up on things that you're passionate about. And I love that I've become one of those things. I want to spend the rest of my life loving you and supporting you, just like you've done for me. I want to be there for your highs and lows. I want to be there for all of it. April Kepner, will you do me the great honor of being my wife?"

"Yes, yes! A hundred times yes."

The ring is slid onto her finger and fits perfectly snug, and as Jackson stood back up, he lifted her up with the kiss that he placed on her lips. Applause broke out around them from the few bystanders that had stopped to watch, photos having been taken of the two of them. Unplanned, but neither of them minds the tiny audience in the slightest. All Jackson wanted to do now was kiss her, but it's a reminder that they're still in public.

Squeals of excitement pass through April's lips when the kiss finally breaks, the smile on her cheeks splitting open her face and nearly aching with just how wide it is. Her fingers gave a little wiggle to look at the gorgeous ring now resting on her fourth finger.

All of this had come out of the blue, not having picked up on any of the hints that Jackson had been dropping over the past few weeks of studying their boards. Yet even with the surprise, she's never been happier. He was the best man by far that she had ever been with, made her heart swell with happiness each time she saw him. And he did support her, in every way. He never picked at her flaws like so many others had. April had thought before that she'd been in love when she was young and naive, but she had never loved another man with the same passion or intensity that she loved Jackson Avery. Now, the rest of the world would get to know, too.

"This is the best day of my life," Jackson murmured as he placed another kiss to April's lips.

"Mine too," she agreed. "I can't wait to be your wife."


	8. United

April’s tears hadn’t been a worry on her own wedding day. No, she had a list of a thousand other things that she needed to be worried about and that hadn’t made the list. Merely because she knew that it was going to happen at some point or another, she was meant to cry. It was why she’d been less than lenient about using setting spray once all of her makeup had been put on, not wanting to ruin any of it. She’d teared up when her mom had an emotional moment, a small one managing to slip out when her father told her how beautiful she looked and how proud she was.

Yet it became a worry when she walked down the aisle.

Eye contact is made between the to be husband and wife, and even the distance down the aisle, she could spot the tears that had formed in beautiful green eyes. Jackson’s jaw clenched to try and compose himself. But it only lasted for a few moments before he had to raise a hand to his face and wipe away the tears that slipped from his lids, best man stepping in for a moment to hand him a handkerchief. 

By the time April made it all the way down the aisle and her father handed her off to Jackson, her bottom lip is quivering and she had to sniffle back her own tears. He mouthed a compliment about her beauty to her, glossy eyes never wavering from her face.

She’d always wanted to look like a princess on her wedding day, a dream that she’d had since she was a child. And it felt like all of that was finally coming true, still a virgin for the man that she loved even if circumstances weren’t the same. It wasn’t a perfect fairytale wedding. Jackson had grown up in the system and didn’t have a family of his own to come and stand with him on this day, but his best man was his mentor. There was a huge showing from both of their hospitals, even though Jackson had chosen to accept a fellowship over to April’s hospital. But the chapel packed full of people – enough that they’d had to find a secondary, bigger location for the reception to be held after the ceremony. Both of them felt incredibly loved and appreciated by all of the representation they had, but it paled to anything that they felt for the person that they were marrying.

Tears had been shed on all ends by the end of the ceremony, from bride, groom, and audience. By the time that they were kissing, April was on the verge of sobbing, just managing to hold it back. A slight laugh slipped through her lips when he gently patted her cheeks with the handkerchief.

The reception is where the two of them finally find their comfort. Their first dance's song is a cliche, but it fits them and their early circumstances perfectly, even if it felt like a little bit of an inside joke between the two of them.

_Wise men say only fools rush in_  
But I can't help falling in love with you  
Shall I stay?  
Would it be a sin  
If I can't help falling in love with you? 

_Like a river flows surely to the sea_  
Darling so it goes  
Some things are meant to be  
Take my hand, take my whole life too  
For I can't help falling in love with you 

“I love you so much, husband.”

“I love you too, wifey.”

An affectionate giggled passed through her lips, finding the small word to mean so much to her. As much as they wanted to, the couldn’t spend the entire reception at each other’s side. Social demands separate them here and there, but they can’t help the long glances cast at each other from across the room. During the father and daughter dance, Jackson found himself particularly emotional. It was a relationship that he’d never had, barely remembering his own parents, and yet he knew definitively that it was something he wanted for himself one day. They’d talked about their hopes and dreams for the future, both of them craving a big family. He wanted desperately to be a good father to try and fill the void his own had left in him.

Throwing rice commenced at the end of the reception as the two of them made their way out to a sleek black vehicle, bubbling laughter and smiles all around. She’d set up a playlist of romantic songs for the car ride they had, opting not to fly too far out of town. Instead, they’d opted to drive about half an hour out of town to the Woodmark Hotel.

Jackson had been the one to make the suggestion, stumbling upon it while sifting through websites. Neither one of them wanted to do too big or long of a honeymoon, both equally addicted to their work, choosing a few days at a waterfront suite. Four days of peace and privacy, getting to know each other as husband and wife. It sounded perfect.

Upon arriving at their hotel room late in the evening, April’s jaw dropped. He had kept all of it a surprise for her, taking this portion as his own after she’d done so much planning on their actual wedding. But it was a gorgeous suite: a huge bed with magnificently soft pillows, the bathtub limestone and larger than any that she’d ever been in and an aesthetically pleasing shower. It was incredibly upscale and she couldn’t help but want to ask about the price, but that was something that could be discussed later. It was only a few days, and they both wanted to make the best of it.

“I’m going to go get changed,” she murmured after kicking off heels from aching feet, giving him a quick peck on the kiss. “Don’t make fun of me if it takes forever. This thing is a monster to get in and out of.”

“Are you sure you don’t want any help?” Jackson asked, hands moving to her hips to pull her in for a longer kiss. Both of them had been waiting for a long time for this night, enough that realistically he’s not in much of a rush though it felt like more of a wait for him – he could never resist the opportunity for a little gentle kissing, loving the way that her cheeks lighted up with color no matter what.

“Our first time is not going to be in a bathroom!” April gave a little squeal, slapping him on the chest playfully and snaking out of his grip. The lingerie that she’d packed was Arizona’s pick, packed in a separate bag so there was no snooping that could be done.

His eyes never leave her frame until the bathroom door was shut, but the smile remained in the same place. Changing out of the tuxedo was much less of a task, bowtie easily was undone and the rest following. Stripping down to his boxers, he hangs up the rest of carefully. Completely nude was a passing thought but he doesn’t want to overwhelm her just yet, doing his best to keep his thoughts as innocent and distracted as possible.

April, on the other hand, couldn’t stop thinking about everything that was to come. She’d been talked into waxing everything and felt like it had been too over the top of a decision now in the moment, but there was certainly no going back when it came to that. White lingerie is slipped into carefully, not much of a task, yet time is taken to pause and stare at herself in the mirror. Her breasts looked nice, she could give herself that compliment. But she felt like the lace of the thong looked awkward somehow, not used to seeing herself in something so little or so… well, sexy. Arizona had done a hell of a job picking it out, that wasn’t up for question. But this was still her first time. Her nerves were more about the future, though, seeing herself like this. Would she have to do this every time? Would she not live up to it?

Too many questions and none of which were unanswered. She knew the man that she had just married and she knew him well. If he had gone this long with waiting and respecting her wishes, then that wasn’t suddenly going to change just because they were married. 

A few calming, deep breaths are taken before she finally reemerged from the bathroom. Head peaked out first to get a glance at him sitting on the bed, scrolling through something on the phone – probably the news, knowing him. He was always keeping up with what was going on in the world, making fun of her for how he was always the one who found out about things first. Tonight, nothing in the world besides the two of them mattered.

Jackson realized that the second that his gaze lifted up to find her walking toward him, creamy skin mostly bare and exposed saved for the pieces of lingerie that covered her most intimate parts. The twitch and response in his cock is instantaneous as his gaze trailed over all of her, already able to see the way that her nipples had hardened through the thin material and the bareness inside of the skimpy thong that she was wearing. His jaw fell open for a moment, tossing his phone over onto the nightstand and sitting up drastically straighter. She moved over to sit on top of his lap, thighs straddling him.

“Do you like it?” Now, it was April’s turn to tease, hips gyrating against him slightly.

“I’ll like it better when it’s off of you,” Jackson can barely get the words out before his mouth and descended onto her neck, licking and sucking the sweet spot that he’d already discovered months before. His body easily responded to the way that she moved down against it, but this time, he has no reason to be shameful about any of it. He would get just as much from this as she would. 

Hands slide up the curves of her body, listening to the soft breaths for air that come from her lip at the doings of his mouth. Her hands gripped onto his shoulders desperately, a throb beginning at the apex of her thighs, nails digging little half-moons into his skin.

“You’re so beautiful, baby girl. I can’t wait to make you cum again and again.”

April couldn’t help but shudder at the words, hands roaming over his chest. His hands slide up her front, thumbs rubbing over the hardened nubs and listening to the sound of her gasping above. He waited until her body was absolutely begging for it with the way that she ground down against him before slowly pulling off the straps of the bralette, removing the garment with one hand. Then his mouth descended down her front to take a pert bud into his mouth, gently sucking and nippling at it until proper moans had begun to escape from her.

It’s only when she’s whining that Jackson rolled them over so that he was on top of her, leaving trails from her breasts down to the crease of her thighs, teasing where she desired contact the most. Marks litter the inside of pale skin before the thong is finally removed, practically ruined from how soaking wet it was.

Ducking his head down to focus on appreciating her appropriately, he worshipped her. Tongue explored every fold, sucking and kissing and licking, leaving nothing wanted. There was no shame in covering his face in her juices, her thighs so tight around his head that there was nearly no movement left for him. She was a sopping, moaning mess and Jackson absolutely loved finally being able to see this side of her, his own cock throbbing with desire for her. But he doesn’t stop licking and sucking until she’s cursing and screaming his name, her entire body shaking with the force of the orgasm that washed over her.

“You’re amazing.” April could barely get the words out, hips giving another little jerk as his tongue ran over her a few more times and brushed against her clit. Her entire body was flushed and yet it was near as if things hadn’t really started between the two of them.

“You taste amazing,” Jackson countered, leaving a few random kisses up her body before finding her mouth again. His boxers were still on but she could feel the weight of his cock pressing against her. He was big, something that she’d suspected given, well, everything about him was on the large side. Yet the thought doesn’t stop her from slipping her hands down to his waist and pushing the elastic waistband down to free him.

“Make love to me, Jackson,” she murmured softly.

“That’s what I’m going to do for the rest of my life.”

It’s tense when he first pushed himself inside of her, slow and respectful, giving her all the time that she needed in order to adjust. Though it’s their first time together, it doesn’t take them long to find a natural motion and speed between the two of them that has them both moaning, clinging to each other as if they would die without the constant contact between the two of them. Even when they’d both reached their peak, they stay intimately close. And they go again, and again, until the two of them were absolutely spent for the night.

Minor plans had been made for while they were there, but sex ended up taking over most of the time. Jackson had always had a high sex drive and a healthy appreciation for it, and April was basking in just how amazing all of it could be. There’s a small part of her that was upset when their honeymoon finally ended and they had to return to responsibilities and work. But their sex life hardly suffers when there’s on-call rooms and a new apartment all to be broken in.

Her normal appointment with her OB/GYN happened to fall a few weeks after the honeymoon. It’s the first one that she’d really had to think about going into given that she was finally sexually active. Protection between the two of them was a hit and miss, usually a miss. It didn’t feel necessary between husband and wife and even if they hadn’t had a discussion about actively trying for children, neither of them were opposed to the possibility of getting pregnant. They were married, their careers were stable, they had a good place of their own… it seemed like a fair enough time, the natural progression in their relationship. And she knew that she wasn’t going to pick now to go onto birth control, either.

Blood work is done, the appointment coming out otherwise normal. The discussion of pregnancy is had – deciding that it was up in the air, for now. If it happened, it happened. A pregnancy test is taken to be sure, and it comes back negative, not to her surprise. Thoughts begin to stir, some information taken about tracking her menstrual cycle accurately in case they wanted to try more actively. A talk to be had.

But it’s not until a few weeks later when her blood work comes back that she comes home with news.

News, specifically, that had her in a rage. Jackson could see that there was something wrong almost immediately, from the way that the door slammed behind her and things are tossed down. He’d been relaxing on the couch, a football game playing. It’s muted quickly as he glanced up over his shoulder, scanning her features. As well as he knew her, even he struggled to tell if the anger or upset was dominant.

“What’s wrong, babe?”

“My blood work came back. Apparently, I have chlamydia.”


	9. Progress

“What?”

The news alarmed Jackson, shooting up from his formerly relaxed position on the couch with wide eyes to stare at his wife. For the most part, he’d been pretty good about getting himself checked, always running the tests that he knew were appropriate. He always used condoms, no matter how long the woman had been requesting his services. Of course, he’d heard time and time again that the only way to completely prevent diseases was abstinence. But he was a doctor. He knew how to be safe, how to be rational. He certainly knew how to avoid something like that.

Or so he thought.

“I’ve got fucking chlamydia.” April’s response is snapped back harshly. She wasn’t one to swear under most circumstances, only occasionally slipping out when the two of them were in bed and she just couldn’t hold it back anymore. But he’d never heard her swear, especially not like that, when she was angry. It gave him chills that he wasn’t expecting.

There was no question about where she had gotten it on his end. And as much as she loved him, that hadn’t changed, her blood was still boiling at the idea. She’d worked to change her perspective on the work that he had done when he was a resident, opened up her mind and stopped herself from trying to control his life by stopping him. And now that he wasn’t doing it, well, she really thought that she was over and past it. She wasn’t the type to hold something in his past against him – not without good reason. But now, when she’d been least expecting it, it seemed like that good reason had been handed to her on a silver platter in the cruelest way possible.

Jackson, on the other hand, was flooded with questions. Sure, he hadn’t had a physical in awhile – not since… well, a few weeks he’d taken the boards. He thought back to the women that he’d been with near the end, and there’s not a lot of questions the more that he thought about it. Two options as to who he’d gotten it from. It could have been transmitted orally just as easily as anything else. He’d have to go and get checked out too, even if he already knew what his doctor would say.

“Baby,” he started as he stood up to comfort her. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. I thought I was clean – I had been for a long, long time.” The apologies poured from his lips and he tried to pull her close in an embrace, only slightly surprised when her hands flew up to push him away, not wanting to be touched. “If I had any idea, you know that I wouldn’t have let this happen to you.”

He had never had a reason in the past before to feel guilty about what he did. Sure, it’s technically kind of illegal. Maybe he could argue that it wasn’t because it was more than just basic sex, but he’s not going to get into the semantics of that. Because the guilt had finally come. Not from his actions, but from the results of it.

“Don’t– don’t touch me.” April retorted though he had already backed off. “I can’t believe that you wouldn’t know for sure before we got married, before we had sex. How could you not check, Jackson? How?”

“I don’t know.” He admitted honestly.

As much as she normally appreciated hearing the truth from him, this was one of those moments where hearing it only sent her flying further into a rage. April grabbed her purse and the paper bag presumably from the pharmacy, storming past him into the bedroom without another word.

Jackson lingered silently in the living room for a kitchen, debating what was best to do in the moment. She needed time to cool down before they could really discuss this. He needed to wrap his head around all of it, make a few phone calls. That would at least kill time. The first phone call goes to his own doctor to schedule an appointment for himself, quickly explaining the circumstances. Numbers of former clients had been deleted from his phone, leading him to pull out his laptop to send an email instead, seeing if he could at least get any honesty. Maybe they didn’t know. He wanted to hope that, but that was one thing that he would never know. But he should have known better. He knew that he should have known better.

When the appropriate communications have been made, Jackson still didn’t feel right going in there. Instead, he makes his way to the kitchen. Coming with food might at least be a little better than coming in empty handed midst her raging and wallowing. 

As an apology, he sorted through the kitchen for the process of making her favorite meal. Fettuccine alfredo with chicken and a caesar salad. The latter takes no time to throw together, pasta easy enough. He’s careful with the chicken because he knew just how picky she could be about the smallest thing, making sure that it’s cut up to the right side and cooked well. He doesn’t believe in God, but he’s thankful to some higher power that there were actually the ingredients in the kitchen that he needed to pull it off.

“April?” He ducked his head into their bedroom hesitantly once dinner had been prepared, moving in further to find her in the bathroom. Even though he knew that she was upset, it’s still not the scene that he’d been anticipating to find.

She was sitting on the bathroom floor, knees drawn up to her chest and eyes red from the presumable tears that had been shed midst all of her frustrations. The orange bottle of pills that was presumably the medication to treat the chlamydia was unscrewed on the counter, a slight glance inside of it before refocusing on his dry sobbing wife. Jackson lowered himself down onto his knees next to her, muscular arms wrapping around her and relieved when she doesn’t try and pull away from him this time. His chin rested on top of her head where she fit perfectly, hand stroking auburn waves of hair.

“I’m so sorry, baby. I’m gonna go, get myself checked, make sure there’s nothing else. This is never going to happen again, okay? I promise you that. I made a mistake, but it’s fixable. We’ll take the medication, we’ll be fine. It’s a one-time thing.” He held her tight as he spoke, hoping that she’d find something in his words to believe.

“I know you didn’t mean it,” April responded hoarsely. “But it’s just a slap in the face.” She doesn’t continue on with what she meant by the words, and no doubt it’s a good thing because there was nothing that she could have continued on with that wouldn’t have been offensive to him.

Jackson, fortunately, was too concerned about her in the moment to think about what she had said. That would come later. “I’m sorry,” he repeated. “Why don’t we get up to eat dinner? I made dinner. Your favorite.”

“Okay.”

He held her hand as she got up from the floor, not letting go until the two of them were serving up plates of dinner. It’s a bit quieter of a meal than what the two of them usually go through but the tension is somewhat resolved after her festival of tears. April doesn’t talk much, instead, prompting him to speak about the day, in desperate need of a distraction from everything. Jackson was relieved that he’d a surgery today that was more than just a general tuck or lift – he’d spent the afternoon working on an infant’s cleft palate. He knew that hearing about those brought her some kind of joy, that she loved the better aspects of his work.

When they go to bed that night, Jackson tried to curl up against her but she rolled onto her stomach, not wanting quite as much contact. Instead, hands are layered on top of each other. Close but still a bit of a wall between the two of them, something that a little time for processing just needed to take care of.

His own doctor appointment comes and goes and he gets the same prescription as she did, finishing it up half a week after she did. Their day to date routine fell back into what it had been in their first few months, still honeymooning a little bit, a little touchy in front of their coworkers with the hand holding and casual bumps. Sex was completely off the table until both of them had finished up the medication, not wanting to mess with things any further.

But the avoidance only goes on for so long. He’s finally got a day off and he knew that she was working the night shift, and had most of the day to do whatever. Sleep would occur – but he didn’t want that to be the only reason they stayed in bed most of the day.

A little past ten, he rolled over closer to her, lips finding home against the curve of her neck to litter it with sweet, soft kisses. She’s cold like she always is in the morning, a large hand moving to her stomach to pull her back against him. The slightest bit of suction gives way to leave a mark on the back of her neck, knowing that her hair would cover it for at least most of the day. During surgery, well, hopefully no one would be paying much attention.

“Jackson…” His name was a whine leaving her lips, but not in the way that he was expecting. She sounded annoyed. “I’m not in the mood.”

He sighed against the back of her neck, nose brushing over the skin he’d just sucked on. It’s not that he’s trying to be pushy, but April was transparent. It wasn’t just about the sex. Sex between the two of them was easy, free of problems. But not everything was that easy.

“Are we going to talk about it?” He asked.

What felt like an impossibly long moment passed between the two of them, a sigh parting her pouty lips before she could force any words out of her mouth. She doesn’t really want to talk about it, no, but she doesn’t know how to get away with any longer.

“Every time I think about your penis, all I can think about is chlamydia.”

Even though Jackson knew that she was being serious, he can’t help the laughter that vibrated against her back at the comment. Of all the things that he’d thought she was worried about, that definitely hadn’t been one of them. He pulled her in a little tighter against his front, hand resting just beneath the swell of one of her breasts.

“That just means that I need to give you a better association.” He chuckled out. It’s a quick shift, pulling out from behind her and getting her flat on her back, nudging her thighs open so that he could rest between them. The weight of his hips was heavy against her core, giving the slightest grind against her, letting her feel the hardening length.

Despite the little noises of disagreement that April had made before, she did want to have sex with him. Feeling him press against he only remained her of the needy ache between her thighs.

“If you say so,” she murmured, words mostly to keep up the attitude.

Proving himself, of course, was never a hard thing for Jackson. He knew that he was good in bed and there’s no problem in proving it, pulling off her pajama shorts before dedicating himself to the space between his thighs. He licked and sucked until she came twice and was begging for his cock, only finally giving into her when she was right about to lose his mind. The near two weeks that they’d gone without has his tolerance a little lower than usual, eager to bury himself inside of her till his hilt and move with fluidity. He knows just how to move in her, just how to rub and pinch to get her finishing for a third time around his length, letting it spur on his own orgasm and emptying himself inside of her.

When they’re both finished, he collapsed onto the mattress next to her, letting her curl up against his side and rest her head on top of his chest. April found it soothing to listen to the sound of his heart beating, even as accelerated as it was post-romp. 

Stroking his hand along her side, he allowed the silence to come. It’s the first comfortable one that they’ve really had since she’d first gotten back his blood work, the closest that they’ve been physically when they hadn’t had an audience or coworkers watching the two of them. And it felt good. It felt like the two of them were getting back into their old flow of things, finding their footing again after their first real marital fight. The first one was supposed to be the worst, and it seemed as if it had come to its end.

“I want to have a baby, you know,” April finally broke the silence between them, though she doesn’t lift up her gaze to look at him with the announcement. It was something only lightly discussed. “I talked about it with my OB/GYN, at that appointment. She thought that I’d make a good mom, you know. She actually said that.”

“I do too,” Jackson smiled as he let his gaze drop down to his wife’s face, a smile warming across his expression. “I guess we’re getting a good start on that, huh?”

“Laying down after sex is supposed to be good for contraception. I’m pretty sure that you wear me out on purpose so I don’t have another choice.”

Loud laughter fell from his lips, spurring her own giggles after a few moments. They both shifted just enough so that their mouths could meet in a soft kiss, much more chaste than the previous ones between them.

“Hadn’t thought of it like that. But now that you’ve said something, I’m definitely going to keep it up.”


	10. Reassurances

Hands are tied together with soft silk above her head, attached to the headboard so that if left her squirming and writhing with her husband’s head buried between her thighs in absolute dedication to making her cum.

“Jackson, please– please! I need to cum.” April begged him.

Their lives had mostly fallen back together on the premise of making a baby and finally starting their own family. Things in the bedroom had become a little wilder, and Jackson had been the one who had done a lot of research on the matter, wanting it to be sooner rather than later. Even though she was thirty and he was thirty-two, they both wanted multiple kids, which meant the sooner the better on all counts. Having lots of sex? Easy. And he’d seen a study claiming that the female orgasm supposedly boosted the odds having a boy. Whether or not that was worth believing, he wasn’t sure. But he knew they both wanted a boy first: him, because he was sure he knew how to raise a boy and didn’t have a clue what to do with a girl. April just wanted to make sure the oldest would be a big brother.

“You will, baby, you will,” Jackson reassured her, nipping at the soft skin on the inside of her thigh. The vibrator resting beside her is picked up and pressed against her core, turned on and up to a medium setting. She squealed and moaned, her thighs shaking with the effort to try and not cum before he said anything.

He could see how hard she was trying to hold it back, though, and didn’t wait any longer. “Just like that, baby girl,” Jackson encouraged her. “Cum for me, precious.”

Nothing more than that needed, April came wildly and loudly, swearing with just about every swear word in her vocabulary intertwined with his name.

Only then does he adjust his grip on the vibrator to move it out the way, pushing himself inside of her. He’d been hard and aching for her for far too long now, and already listened to the sound of her begging for his cock. He gave it to her – quick and hard, hips snapping inside of her roughly. And she’s beautiful with the way that she moaned for him, fingers and hands squirming in their binds, desperate to touch him and hold onto him as he thrust into her.

“Feels so good.” April was far too much of a mess to be able to get out much more than the, the combination of him moving inside of her and the vibrator pressed against her sensitive slit not cutting her any breaks when it came to the pleasure coursing through her. It was nearly too much – just shy of that, having her seeing stars and shuddering even when she wasn’t coming.

Jackson grunted in agreement before picking up the pace. He only paused and pulled out of her on impulse to turn her over, leaving the vibrator on underneath her before pushing himself back inside of her. A hand smoothed up the curve of her spine before latching onto her hair, twisting it into a ponytail and giving a slight pull the arched her spine, pushing her ass back against him. There’s a slight spank of her rear that earns another punctuated moan from his wife, enjoying the slight pink twinge that appeared across her pale skin after.

“It’s your turn to cum for me, baby,” April urged him. It was all becoming too much for her to handle, the deep thrusts inside of her and the vibrations making her shake. She loved it when he spanked her rear far more than she’d ever been able to express to him in words – yet he knows, certainly, with every reaction that she gave him. She’s become dirtier than they have ever imagined when they first got married.

It’s not long before his own pleasure had become too much for him to bury and he’s emptying himself inside of her, a few more hard snaps of his hips given before he’s buried to his hilt and emptying his seed in her. His finishing and being pinned down with the vibrator buzzing against her clit is more than enough for April to finish loudly again, panting and squirming. Hint is taken and the vibrator was quickly switched off and tossed away for a moment so that it didn’t become too much for her to be able to bear pleasurably. But it’s just about all either of them can do besides collapse against their mattress, attempting to catch their breath once again.

“That was amazing,” April breathed out.

“You’re amazing,” Jackson countered without missing a beat. “Here,” he passed over one of the pillows to her. She already knew what to do from the first time he’d brought it up, lifting her hips and tucking it underneath to try and give his sperm a better chance. “Atta girl,” he commented, grabbing one of her hands with hers and kissing her knuckles individually.

“It’s kind of hot, you know. How into the baby making thing you are. Besides the sex part. I mean– that’s hot too. But usually, the rest of it’s all up to the woman.” April commented, head turning over to look at him and smile as he placed another warm kiss on the back of her hand.

“When I told you that I wanted a family, I meant it,” Jackson brushed off her compliment with a slight shrug of one shoulder. “You’ve got another doctor’s appointment this week, right? Making sure that everything’s all good?”

A nod answered his question, turning her head back to stare at the ceiling. The chlamydia accident had been forgiven. That wasn’t something that April was going to hold against it no matter how upset she had been when she’d found out about it. She didn’t want this to be a bitter thing, a relationship that still had grudges staining it. “Yeah, just double checking everything,” she echoed the sentiment.

The doctor appointment comes and goes by without a hitch. This time, there’s a little more of a rush on her bloodwork given what had happened last time and her own persistence, but it comes back clean. As does Jackson’s when he goes int the next week to get himself checked out and make sure that everything on his end was fine, too. Both doctors said they should be good to go, April’s OB/GYN predicting that it wouldn’t take more than a few months before she was pregnant with child.

That was good news for the both of them.

Spring passed, and so did summer. Pregnancy tests were taken every other month in anticipation of a little plus sign finally settling in their lives and giving them a new kind of hope and excitement for the future. But every test comes back negative, her period following in late a couple of days later. Soon the two of them had already been trying for ten months and hadn’t had any luck.

More appointments are made, the next one always more stressful than the last. At the beginning, she attended them by herself, not wanting to ask Jackson to take off work when it was something that she could handle on her own. That didn’t seem appropriate until she actually fell pregnant and there was something for the both of them to see and awe over. But that had slowly changed with each passing month. The both of them sit nervously inside of one of the patient rooms as they wait for the blow of news that this month would bring them.

“Well, we’ve checked out quite a bit. You still have plenty of eggs for your age. And, Dr. Avery, as I’ve discussed with your physician – your sperm shouldn’t be the problem either,” Dr. Montgomery started with them. “I’d like to do a specialized x-ray with you, April, called a hysterosalpingogram and make sure that your tubes aren’t blocked or damaged. It’s a pretty common reason for issues with getting pregnant in the first place, cuts off the sperm from meeting the egg. With the x-ray, we place a dye through the cervix using a tiny tube. If it’s all clear, then on the x-ray, we should see it go all the way through to your ovaries. Otherwise, we’ll be able to tell that they’re blocked.”

“Okay, sure,” April agreed with a slight bob of the head.

“What would cause the fallopian tubes to be blocked? April’s as healthy as they come.”

“Most commonly, a previous surgery, endometriosis, or… an STD.”

A pregnant pause saturated through the room. Hands are been held together amidst all of their nerves and April suddenly withdrew hers from his, straightening up her spine. All three of them knew about the incident with chlamydia – even though she hadn’t spilled the beans to Dr. Montgomery about the full extent of Jackson’s sexual history, she’d made it clear that she’d gotten it from him and no one else, that they’d both taken the antibiotics and gotten past it.

Or thought they’d gotten past it. 

There’s nothing that either of them can say in front of her, not without exploding into a fight that no one else needed to stand witness to. Jackson wet his lips, releasing a sigh before finally breaking the tense silence between the three of them.

“How soon can we schedule the x-ray?” He asked, his gaze shifting to his wife.

“I can squeeze you in this afternoon,” Dr. Montgomery answered. 

“Thank you, Dr. Montgomery.” April responded shortly before shooting up after her seat, an obviously forced smile taking over her features. “Just send me a page whenever you have time for me.” She wasn’t capable of sitting in the same space for any longer, taking off out of the room and down the hallway before anyone else had a chance to properly react.

Jackson glanced at the retreating form of his wife, offering an apologetic look to her doctor. “Sorry, I guess there’s still something there that we have to talk about.” But he can already feel the blame there, sitting on his chest, before April could say anything. This was his fault. “I’ll talk to her. Thank you for your time.” He continued.

“Of course. Let me know if there’s anything else I can do for you both,” she offered politely.

Following his wife’s lead, it doesn’t take long for him to carry down the hallway and catch up with her form. She’d taken to pacing near the nurse’s station of the emergency room, a place that she often hid inside of as often as possible when it came to stress. He knew how she dealt with things: she buried herself in her work, hid away from talking about whatever problem was on her mind. The distractions helped her on a superficial level, he knew, but it didn’t get at the deeper problem that she now needed to deal with.

“Can we talk about this?” Jackson answered, hand moving to her arm to try and keep her from walking away.

“I don’t think we should,” April continued to pace. “Not until we know for sure. I don’t– I’m mad, Jackson. I am so mad right now that I am literally seeing red. And maybe it’s nothing. Maybe she’s wrong and it has nothing to do with that. So right now, I am living on that very thin maybe with the hopes that this anger I’m feeling right now is just a waste of time.” She explained. “You should just… go away. And I will talk to you after the x-ray.”

It’s hard for him to accept her words, even though he can tell that there’s nothing but harsh truth pouring out of her. Jackson took a deep breath, bottom lip pulling between his teeth for a moment before he gave in with a nod of his head. He dipped down to try and get a kiss from him, but he’s not surprised when she slipped away from him.

“Okay,” he breathed out with disappoint. “I’ll see you later.”

The x-ray is highly anticipated for him, but Jackson doesn’t go down to witness it himself. He doesn’t want to intrude, doesn’t want to be there if the news is bad for her to take it out on him.

April, on the other hand, dreaded it. As thin as the hope was that she held onto, she was a doctor. Statistics and facts weren’t something that she could cast aside quite so easily, especially not when she dived into a world of numbers for the sake of defamiliarizing herself with the current research. She knew these things on a diagnostic level, knew when to run tests confirming for them, but she’d never shown any symptoms. When it had come up in her blood, it’d be a surprise. Yet now, she felt like an idiot for not thinking about the cause of her failure to get pregnant sooner.

A text shows up on Jackson’s phone just around the time that he was wondering if she’d had the x-ray yet, telling him not to wait for her and that she’d meet him at home. He’s not sure how to interpret the text but it’s his instinct to try and deny her request, wanting to check on her and make sure that he was okay. But if it was what she really wanted… he needed to listen to her right now, when they were walking on eggshells.

Sitting on the couch at home, there’s no entertainment to be found on the football game on the television. All he could think about was April and how she was doing, wondering if the scan had gone alright or if she’d receive the sour news that the both of them had been trying to prepare themselves for. Normally, he worried about his wife and the anxiety that she dealt with on a daily basis, but today? His own was eating him alive, stirring a sense of nausea inside of his stomach as he tried to deal with it. He could only wonder how she managed to deal with it every day.

The front door opened and he jumped up, twisting his head to see his wife walking in the front door and letting out a breath of relief just at the sight of her. She doesn’t look happy, not by any means. But she’s home, she’s safe, and at least they can talk about it.

“How did it go?”

“My fallopian tubes are blocked.”

Her answer is a deadpan, dropping her purse and keys down on the counter. She went through her routine of taking off her shoes and coat, disappearing down the hallway toward the bedroom to change out of her work clothes and into something more comfortable. There’s a pause where he debated with himself whether or not he should follow, or wait and see if she’d venture back out of the bedroom on his own accord. The clock ticked by three, four, five minutes… and he gets up, moving to follow her.

“Is that all Dr. Montgomery said?” Jackson inquired with a frown.

“Apparently IVF is an option,” April turned to face him, plopping down onto the bed with a sigh. “IVF babies run more risks than naturally conceived ones. I know it’s a small chance. And we’d have to do this with any children we have. I just… really wanted to have a baby of our own, the normal way.” Small tears had begun to form in her eyes, head dropping so that she didn’t have to face him with the wetness in her eyes.

“Baby, this isn’t a bad option,” Jackson moved to sit down next to her on the bed, his hand moving to her knee and giving it a gentle squeeze. “We’re still going to have an awesome kid. Maybe it’s not as fun as having sex, but it’s a baby. That’s the important part. It doesn’t matter how it gets here, that’s going to be our baby. You’re not going to care if it was sex or IVF or anything else when you get to hold that little boy in your arms.” He encouraged her gently, hand rubbing her thigh gently to try and soothe some of her fired nerves.

April sighed gently but leaned into him, head falling naturally into the crook of his shoulder. “I know that you’re right,” she breathed out. “I just.. I thought we were past it. You know that I never really liked what you did, I just… stopped complaining, stopped judging. But this is just something else. I don’t know how to deal with this.” She admitted.

“We deal with it one day at a time.” A kiss is pressed on top of her hair, arm wrapping around her frame and stroking her hair softly. “We don’t have to make a decision right away.” He offered.

“There’s also laparoscopic surgery, to open them back up. Dr. Montgomery didn’t recommend it, though. Apparently, the chances are less than half and it can lead to ectopic pregnancy afterward, too. She really thinks that IVF is the best option. She wrote me a prescription for some fertility drugs but I haven’t gotten it filled yet. It just seems like a lot to go through with.”

“It’s a lot to process,” Jackson agreed quickly. “Which is why we can take some time, think about. You’re thirty, April, not forty. We don’t have to rush it as much as you think we do. We’ll be parents on our own time, whether it’s this year or the next.” Both arms finally wrap around her, pulling her against his chest and onto her lap to hold her properly. His chin rested on top of her head, breathing in the familiarity of her scent.

“Okay,” April agreed quietly, not wanting to push out the panic further tonight.

“And it doesn’t mean we can’t stop trying, either,” Jackson suggested. “If anyone’s going to defy the odds, it’s us.”

A small huff of laughter rose her chest and she shook her head against him, a hand wrapping around one of his and giving a tight squeeze, appreciating the reassurance in every form that he offered her it.

"You really think that your dick and sperm are that magical, huh?"

"Let me prove it to you."


	11. Stubborn

The prescription stayed sitting on the counter for a few days before Jackson got tired of looking at it, dropping it off at CVS and getting it filled for her himself. He didn’t want to push her, but he didn’t know how to exist in the awkward middle place that they had found themselves in.

It was his fault. Jackson knew it and he couldn’t deny it. He should have been smarter, should have thought further ahead before going through with all of this. Maybe it was the first time or maybe it wasn’t, but he had done this to her, to them. Without a doubt, if it hadn’t been for this bump, she would have been months along with their child – maybe even approaching her due date. It felt like they’d been trying for years, even if he knew the anticipation and worry were warping his perception of time. But even months wasn’t an easy thing to handle. He didn’t know how either of them would handle it if something like this ended up continuing forward for years. If she didn’t go through with IVF, it seemed like that would be the only future for them.

“What’s this?” April called out from the bathroom, appearing in the doorway between it and the bedroom with an orange bottle of pills in her hand. Both of them were capable of reading and identifying the label on it without a problem, that wasn’t the real question.

“I went and got that fertility drug filled for you,” Jackson answered, voice carefully kept nonchalant to try and limit any kind of possible overreaction. He loved April more than anything, but he knew exactly what she could be like from time to time. “Thought I’d save you a trip to the pharmacy, had to go and pick up some shaving cream anyways.” He added on.

An eerily long moment passed between the two of them as April stared at him suspiciously from her place, gaze only dropping momentarily to look at the label and instructions printed on it for a moment. A sigh escaped her before an argument could be put forth, and she doesn’t immediately throw the bottle of pills at him. That was a good sign, as far as he could see. 

“Do you really want to go through with doing IVF?” She finally questioned.

“Of course. I want a family with you, April. I know you want one too.”

“I know, that’s not what I mean, I just…” That’s when the sigh finally escaped from her, moving over to sit on the corner of the bed next to him, still clutching the bottle of pills. “It just feels weird, you know? We’re… young. I mean, this shouldn’t be a problem. It wouldn’t be if–“ she cut herself off there, not wanting to dig into that. She can’t vocalize her blame, even if they can both feel it. “It just seems clinical. Distant. Which is ridiculous, I know. We have sex so much that we wouldn’t even be able to pin it to one specific night, so it’s not like the night of conception is some big deal, I just… it’s something I never saw myself doing.”

That seemed to be the biggest hurdle for April to be able to push herself past. Her life had been planned out from such a young age, and for the most part, it’d come to terms pretty well. She’d excelled through school and her residency, she’d gotten married to a wonderful man and walked down the aisle as a virgin for him, and now she was finally set up in her career as a surgeon and happy. It seemed selfish to ask the world of more if she thought about it deep enough. Yet having so many things on her list just checked off so smoothly made her want the rest of it done in the same manner, too. She loved science yet she didn’t want it inside her uterus in such a clinical manner. Not an ounce of judgment would have come for her if it’d been another woman telling her that she had chosen to go through with it. Yet there’s some gap between hearing it from someone else and doing it herself. A gap that she can’t close.

“Like I said, we can take all the time in the world to think about this, April…” Jackson reached over and took her hand, brushing his thumb across the pale skin of her knuckles. Gently, he lifted it up to his mouth, brushing a few kisses across the freckles littered there. “I just don’t think that it’s a decision that you’re going to regret, you know? In the long run, it’s just… it’s not going to be a big deal.” He doesn’t want to form an opinion for her, but he did want her to listen to him instead of getting caught up inside of her head.

“My period’s not for another week, probably. I guess I can figure it out between now and then…” she murmured, gaze shifting away from the bottle of pills and to her husband. “It just doesn’t seem right,” she blurted out, lips pressing together in a tight line that nearly formed a pout. “I mean, I know that we tried for months and nothing happened… but you seemed pretty sure that I was ovulating, you know? I assumed I was. I have a regular cycle, I don’t smoke, I’m a good weight… I should be a great candidate for fertility.” Except for that one, tricky detail that neither of them wanted to say outlaid.

“I thought that you were too,” Jackson admitted, a hand snaking around her tiny waist to pull her in closer, large hand pressing flat against her stomach. “I thought we would’ve noticed something being wrong sooner.”

April curled into the contact with her husband easily, knowing that she needed to get back up and finish getting ready for work, but his embrace was far too tempting. “Maybe the doctor’s wrong,” she breathed out. “I like Addison, and she’s great, but she could be wrong. No one’s perfect.” A dangerous idea to cling to, and yet she already liked it.

Jackson could just as easily recognize that it wasn’t a good idea to get attached to, but he doesn’t want to kill her hoes when it seemed like she was finally starting to see things through his point of view. “Maybe,” he offered up neutrally, a hand soothing along her bare arm. He kissed the top of her head, breathing in the scent of floral shampoo and nuzzling her hairline for just a moment. “Go on, finish getting ready. You can think about it all you want, but we do have to go to work one way or another.”

The next days go by fast, two of them always managing to keep busy with work whether they wanted to or not. When her period finally comes, it’s predictably nasty. Evenings after work are spent curled up on the couch with a heating pad, letting Midol get her through her day given that she couldn’t just stop working at any time from period cramps. Mostly because, well, that wasn’t a conversation that she wanted to attempt to have with Hunt. It was better to just suffer through. She doesn’t normally have particularly bad periods, but they came and went every once in a while. A part of her felt like all of the knowledge that she now had about the condition of her uterus had jinxed her for this particular month, even if she didn’t voice it to her husband. April knew just how ridiculous it sounded, and didn’t need to embarrass herself with saying it out loud.

Curling up on their bed after dinner with the news playing quietly in the background, twisted up in the only position that could make her comfortable. She’s happy to lay there and not move, even with the remote out of reach. As important as it was to stay informed with the happenings of the world, she hated watching the news.

“How you feeling?” Jackson asked as he sat down on the bed next to her, hand moving to her hip and giving it a small rub, not wanting to push too much given how sensitive she’d been the past few days.

“Meh,” she answered indistinctly, keeping her body mostly still though her head turned toward him.

“It’s day three, right?” The inquiry is made casually, thumb drawing circles across her hips as she gave a noise to say yes. “You know, if you wanted to take the Clomin, now would be the day to start…” They hadn’t talked about the medication in the past few days, leaving him up in the air about whether or not she’d made a decision.

Of course, that was because April hadn’t made one.

It was a big one and the fact that it was time sensitive drove her crazy. A month felt like an impossibly long time for the first time in her life. That would just mean one more definitive month of not having a positive pregnancy test, another month further back for the due date, more and more waiting. Yet there’s something so solid about the decision that she hates it, even if it seemed like the best and possibly right thing to do.

“I know,” she murmured, eyeing the growing stubble on his chin. So much for that shaving cream. It looked like he was trying to fill in the slight patch on his cheek.

“Have you decided yet?” There’s an eagerness in his voice that betrayed all attempts to stay neutral on the subject, and even if he can’t hear it for himself, April picks up on it instantly. She wet her lips for a moment, bottom pulling between nearly straight teeth that chewed indecisively on the thin flesh. Sure, it was her body, so it should have been her decision. It was her decision. But… she just didn’t want to make it, at the end of the day. Maybe it would be easier to just let him decide for her.

“Not really,” she answered honestly although she didn’t want to crush his hopes. “What do you want me to do?” April turned the question back around on him without missing a beat.

“You really have to ask?” Jackson replied back, a huff of air passing through his lips. He didn’t want to be pushy, didn’t want to be that jerk of a guy, but what he wants is still there and clear. “You’ve known what I thought since day one. I think that you should take it. Set yourself up for IVF as soon as possible.” That was the only realistic end goal in sight, as far as he was concerned.

“Okay,” she agreed with a slight nod of the head. “I’ll do it. As long as you get up and go get it for me.”

The conditions are met with ease, and April’s convinced enough to take the medication for the next couple of days as instructed. By the time that her period was over, the side effects from the medicine had become a pain in the neck. Nausea, mostly, bad enough that it results in a poorly timed joke from Jackson about her already acting pregnant and a somewhat light slap upside the head in response for her.

Apparently, she’s a bit moodier than usual, too, because both Owen and Arizona end up questioning whether or not she’s alright in the next few days, citing that she was acting off. Blindly, she takes offense to the comments instead of telling them what’s really going on – not wanting to share those details with anyone besides Jackson, her doctor, and… of course, her own mother. That had been pretty much an unavoidable conversation, needing to talk to another woman about it that wasn’t a medical professional.

But the hot flashes catch her off guard more than anything else does.

A Thursday evening is spent sprawled out across the couch with a book in hand, which would have been a perfectly normal way of spending it if it weren’t for the fact that the only thing that she had on was a pair of boy shorts. One arm was stretched above her head, the other maintaining the position of her book rested against her knee. It’s quite the sight for Jackson to come home to after a long day of surgery.

“What’s this all about?” He questioned with an amused smile lighting up his features, setting down his bag on his counter and shrugging off his jacket. It’s one of those moments where he’s all too glad they’re married and he can shamelessly checked out how hot she is.

“It’s hot in here,” April whined loudly, shutting her book for a moment and using her thumb as a placeholder. “I tried turning on the AC and it didn’t make a difference. I thought I was going to die if I didn’t cool down.” It’s just a smidgen dramatic but she’s not at all embarrassed about it. Yet.

“You’re already turning into my old lady, huh?”

“Shush!”

Easy laughter is heard as he makes his way over to her, bending down and pressing a kiss from her lips. Jackson took the book from her carefully and set it open and face down on the coffee table, his one-track mind having started pretty much the moment that he’d come in and spotted his near naked wife lounging on the sofa. He was, after all, merely a man. Only so much self-control could be had.

“It’s cute. I like it,” he commented, hand cupping her cheek a moment before sliding down to her breast, thumb brushing over a rosy nipple. “It’s just a side effect of the meds, you know. Have you been having any more? Like… a little extra sensitivity, maybe?”

Her breath hitched in her throat at the jolt of electricity that runs through her spine, tongue running across her bottom lip as she stared up at her husband for a moment. April cleared her throat before speaking. “I don’t know. I guess you’ll have to find out yourself.”

It’s like falling into old habits for the two of them as if they’d been doing this their whole life. Barely any time is taken to pull off her panties, and while normally he would have gone down on her first, he doesn’t take the time for it this time. One track mind took control and he doesn’t even bother getting out of most of his clothes, undoing his trousers and pushing his boxers down just enough to free a hard cock.

His fingers ran through the short curls of hair that she maintained, finding her already wet much to his own satisfaction. He worked along her folds for only a few moments, the palm of his hand pressing and rubbing against her clit just enough to get her hips squirming and dancing for more. Working her body was something that he had become quite acquainted with, and he knows just what to do to get her dripping. 

With one easy thrust, he’s inside of her. Hands grip her thighs and urged them to anchor along his hips before finding the rhythm that they both liked, head dipping down and unable to keep itself away from her breasts. The pale skin is loved on appropriately, licking and sucking, leaving marks that would be seen by just the two of them for days. Her nipples begged for his attention and he’s more than happy to comply with what she wanted and needed, teeth and tongue working cohesively together to do everything that he could for her.

Neither of them last long, but it’s one of those moments where there’s no embarrassment to be had. April comes only moments before he does, the feeling of her orgasm squeezing around him more than enough to start his own, emptying himself inside of her. There’s not a lot of room to collapse into on the couch, so instead, he rests on top of her without any shame.

Something about having Jackson laying on top of her was comparable to holding a big baby and even naked and sweaty, April doesn’t mind it in the slightest. Even if it gives her the urge to take a cold shower for more than just the obvious reason. Her hand finds home on the back of his head, fingernails gently running over the skin in the way that he liked.

“I’ve been thinking more about it, you know,” she commented quietly. “The IVF, the x-ray, all of it. I did a little research, too. And I bought one of those ovulation tracking kits. Maybe I’m crazy, but I really, really feel like she was wrong, Jackson.”

“Uh huh?” He breathed out the syllables, not wanting to disagree with her. But Dr. Montgomery had his trust, more than she had April’s, apparently. 

“Yeah. I want to ask her to do the x-ray again. You know? I didn’t even have chlamydia that long. It doesn’t make sense that it could do that much damage. And I’ve been reading into infertility. It could just be stress, or sleep deprivation, or even biofeedback. Or it could be a thyroid problem. You used to make fun of me for being cold all the time – I could have hypothyroidism, it’s super common… Maybe I should get some labs done, check my hormone levels.” The rambles come out naturally and without any kind of filtration. 

“Whatever you think is best, babe,” Jackson finally moves, shifting up enough to kiss her on the lips.

It was an issue that she wasn’t going to back down on, so naturally, she gets what she wanted. Dr. Montgomery took a defensive stance when the issue was first brought up with her and reminded April that she shouldn’t get her hopes up over something that was such a long shot but agreed to do another x-ray with her just to be sure. She pushed to make sure that she could get it done the same day just like last time, far too eager for the results to be able to wait for even another night of rest. That was something that she didn’t get much of anyways, and ever since she’d become obsessed with this idea, it’d only amplified.

Jackson's phone is spammed with texts when she goes into it, and he can't help but feel a twinge of sadness at seeing her so hyped up for something that he assumed was only going to fall through. He hadn't wanted her to go into it in the first place – but she'd already done things for him in this situation, and he didn't want to step on her toes with this.

Coming home that night, April's a mixture of feelings.

That much was obvious to Jackson the second that she walked in the door and he set his eyes on her. Her brows were furrowed down and eyes were red as if she'd been crying, yet there was somewhat of a smile curved onto her lips. The contrast is enough to draw concern out of him.

"What's up, babe? How did the x-ray go?" He questioned slowly, not wanting to dredge up too much painful territory.

"Well..." she started slowly, gaze dropping to look down at her hands for a moment. "It turns out that the first x-ray was a false positive. My tubes aren't blocked. Not at all. Apparently, it's like, a ten percent chance or something, not... that rare, actually. I wish she would have mentioned that the first time that she said it, would've been nice to know." Her words are mumbled.

Clearly, it wasn't the only thing that she had heard. If that was the only news, she would have been jumping up and down with the excitement, happy to rub into his face that she had told him so. But instead, she's carrying herself too somberly. There was something more and Jackson knew that he had to ask, even if he can already feel the impending heartbreak in the air between the two of them.

"So what's the problem?"

"I'm... actually pregnant already," April stated loudly, her gaze finally snapping up to look at her husband.

"What? Why didn't you say something sooner? That's–"

"No, stop. Don't say it's amazing."

She cut him off so quickly that there's a thick pause in the air between them, Jackson's taken aback by the way that she shoots down any excited reaction that he can have in a heartbeat. He stiffened for a moment defensively, a few seconds pass before the anxiety for her current state of being slips back inside of him and gears his motions. A step forward is taken to try and close some of the distance between them.

"What are you hiding, April?" He finally asked with a hefty sigh.

"I'm pregnant, but it's an ectopic pregnancy. I have a procedure scheduled with Dr. Montgomery in the morning. You should take off work."


	12. Ultimatum

Neither of them is capable of sleeping much that night. It’s next to impossible to talk to about even when they both recognize that reasonably, they should.

But instead, the questions that wander through their heads dominate. They exist on the same page, focused on one central question: if not that, then what? There had to be some kind of cause for their inability to conceive a child together. This ectopic pregnancy was a point of divergence. So early on, Jackson couldn’t think of it as their child. It was a malformation of their cells inside of her, not a child to be held and loved. April couldn’t make the same division in her mind if it would have saved her life, instead, her heart was deeply embedded in the fact that there was a cluster inside of her, a little piece of the both of them. And it would be removed – it had to be, or the consequences could be fatal. That doesn’t make the emotional burden any easier.

The alarm block blares in the morning and Jackson’s motion to unwind from her frame and slam it off is harsher than usual. He returned to her frame to brush his lips over the shell of her ear and whisper a greeting before getting out of bed to start up the coffee pot for the both of them. By the time that he returned to their bedroom, she had disappeared into the bathroom.

April doesn’t bother with her normal morning routine of getting ready. It didn’t feel right to make herself presentable. She washed her face and slapped on moisturizer, running her brush through auburn waves, and left it at that. Leggings and a sweater are put on, unable to go through with anything more professional. Today, she wasn’t a doctor. Instead, she was the patient. And she knew how this was going to affect her in the future. It wouldn’t make things easier. Even with a laparoscopic procedure, there’d be scarring along her fallopian tubes. It only added to the list of challenges instead of resolving them.

Interrupting her train of thought was her husband, and she watched for a moment as he brushed her teeth and got dressed. She sighed as she washed her hands, watching him come up in the reflection of the mirror behind her and kiss the top of her head once more, giving her shoulders a small squeeze.

“Are you ready to go, babe?” Jackson questioned quietly, afraid to raise his voice.

“Yeah, we need to get going,” her emphasis was placed on the latter half of the words because it was hard to lie. She wasn’t ready. She couldn’t possibly be.

“C’mon,” his murmur was gentle, arm moving around her waist to walk out to the car. He’d already packed her bag with everything that she needed and put it in the backseat, not wanting her to have to lift a finger. Even if he couldn’t make the emotional burden any easier for her, at least he could do something for the physical one.

Jackson was slow to guide her into the car, opening and shutting the passenger door for her. The quiet that came from April was eerie to deal with. She’d always been much more of a morning person than he ever had, and the role reversal was unsettling. NPR filled the quiet of the car on the drive to the hospital, somehow feeling shorter than the hundreds of times that they had made the trip before. Red lights past in an instance, poor driving no longer stirring any annoyance inside of them. They park, and they sit there for a long moment.

Certain times, there were just no words that could be said. The silence was painful, but speaking did not make a difference. Jackson reached over for one of April’s hands, taking the smaller one between his and giving it a gentle squeeze. No matter how they wanted to put it off, they couldn’t.

As much as they both wanted it to slow down and try to take a minute to process, they don’t. 

For a harsh, selfish moment, April was glad that she was going to be put under for the procedure. At least it was a few minutes, hours, where she wouldn’t be burdened by the knowledge of what was going on inside of her body. And for an equally cruel moment, Jackson was jealous of her. Arguably, there was something different about their experiences: he was a bystander and she had to deal with it actively inside of her. Yet attempting to put what they were going through side by side was incomparable. No matter what could be said about it individually, there was one word that summarized it without any doubt. Pain.

He couldn’t bring himself to wait down with the other families while it was being done, sitting in the attendings lounge. No one had been told exactly what was going on, but a glance at the O.R. board would have indicated that April was in there and why. That was more than enough explanation, any words that he could have offered would have fallen short in a description. It was better to just leave it at that.

When April had been moved to post-op and the worst of it was supposedly over, Jackson waited patiently for the anesthesia to wear off and her to come to. Both of his hands were wrapped around one of hers, bent forward so that his forehead rested on top of theirs. A stranger could have mistaken his pose for praying, even if that was far from the case. He had never been able to find faith or comfort in the idea of some kind of higher power, but he didn’t need to. Instead, he found it in her. In them, their life, everything that they had together.

“Mm…” April made a quiet noise as she slowly came to, heavy eyelids opening. Without her contacts, everything was a little blurry. But the figure of an ever-loyal husband seated directly next to her was still easy for her to recognize. “Hi, baby,” she murmured in a raw voice.

Jackson smiled sadly at her for a brief moment, his back cracking loudly as he straightened up to grab her a glass of water. He guided it to her lips carefully, making sure that it didn’t spill as she drank.

“Hey,” he finally responded, setting down the cup when she was finished. His hand moved to tuck her hair behind her ear. “Dr. Montgomery said that the surgery went well,” he informed her.

April snorted. “That’s ironic,” she commented with a shake of her head.

“What do you mean?” Jackson questioned as he sat back down, his hand finding hers again.

“That it went well. We had to abort our baby so I wouldn’t die, but it went well.” Bitterness laced her words heavily, a darkness there that was rare to find inside of her. It was one that was rare to find inside of her, yet as her husband, he couldn’t be surprised to see it there. Of course this would bring it out.

“You know what she means,” he murmured to try and calm her. 

Her eyes fly to his face with accusations. “Why aren’t you on my side?”

“Babe, of course I’m on your side,” Jackson’s brow formed a deep furrow as he spoke. “You know what, I just don’t want you getting worked up about this, okay? You need to spend the next few days relaxing and recovering. Not getting worked up about what she’s saying,” he explained, trying not to take offense at her assumption. “I’m on your side. I’m always on your side, April. You know that.” His hand moved up to rub her arm gently, holding back the sigh that was desperate to leave his lips.

“I just want to go home,” April looked away from him as she spoke. She didn’t want to argue with him, even if her head couldn’t help but get caught up on the details of what Dr. Montgomery had said. Maybe she wasn’t dying because of it, but nothing about this was fine.

As much as he doesn’t want to leave her side while she’s this upset, Jackson forced a nod of his head, finally letting out the inevitable sigh. “I’ll be right back, okay? I’m just going to go check up on the discharge papers.” He rubbed the length of her arm once more before he stood up to go follow through on his word.

Wallowing at home would have been much easier than sitting here in the hospital, feeling like an open duck as she laid on the patient bed. Any of he coworkers could have come by at any time and see the condition that she was in, they could have come in with their questions and comments that would have done nothing short of infuriating her completely. Lashing out at people would only lead her to feel worse in the long run, she knew that about herself. The sooner that she could get alone to lay in bed, the better.

Dr. Montgomery makes another round to check in on here, glancing at the incision site and giving her some followup information that, well, she already knew. She barely responded to anything that was being said to her, hearing without any real comprehension.

Compared to the short drive that was coming in this morning, when the two of them finally go home at the end of the day, it feels impossibly long. The traffic is much lighter and when it came down to the minutes, that wasn’t the truth. There wasn’t the same rush hour to work with. And yet it feels impossibly slow all the same as if the rest of the world was rushing around them and the two of them are just left sitting there to suffer.

Jackson carried her from the car to the reclining chair in the living room, setting her up with blankets and pillows, making sure that she was as comfortable as he could make her. Both water and tea are put on the table he shifted closer to her, giving her access to the remotes and placing down two books for her: All the Bright Places, and the Bible. April does a small double take when she noticed the particular books that he had laid out for her.

“You’re trying to keep me from wallowing,” April observed, hazel hues flickering up to his face.

“A little, yeah. Do you want me to make you some soup? We’ve got that tomato basil from Whole Foods,” he suggested, watching her carefully. When she nodded her head and leaned back in the recliner, he breathed out in relief that she didn’t make a big deal about his selection and made his way to the kitchen to prepare it for her.

As heavy as her heart was, for a moment, April doesn’t want the comfort that the Bible normally had to bring her. She was dealing with too many doubts, too many questions for him, and she knew that Bible inside and out. The answers that she needed weren’t going to be found in there. Somehow, she’d have to find it elsewhere. She just didn’t know when or how that was going to happen. Instead, she skims the cover and the first chapter of the other book that he’d sat down, mentally too detached to become invested in the words on the page.

Jackson set down the soup on the table with her, napkin and soup beside the bowl. He sat down on the couch only a few feet away from her, unable to stop himself from watching her. He was worried about her and it was so much more than just the laparoscopic surgery she’d gone through.

“How are you feeling? Any pain?” Even if it was relatively minor on a physical basis, he had to ask.

“No, I’m just tired,” she answered with a shake of her head. Picking up the bowl of soup, she swallowed a few slow spoonfuls. “I think that I might take a nap.” She mused.

“It’s late, you might as well just go to bed,” Jackson commented. His eyes don’t waver from her for even a moment, cross-legged and staring.

April barely made her way through half the bowl of soup before the exhaustion began to take over in full. She skimmed through a few more pages of the book though still doesn’t quite absorb the happenings of the book, and Jackson doesn’t move from his spot on the couch of watching her. Until quiet snoring began to fill the air between them, her book open, resting against her stomach. A long moment of admiration passed, smiling fondly at her and for a few brief seconds, able to forget everything that they had been through that day.

He carried her to bed, setting her down gently and making sure that she’d be warm underneath the covers. Not wanting to disturb her, Jackson took to sleeping on the couch for the evening.

The next few days of recovery go by slowly and quietly. It’s an easy thing to recover from and Jackson doesn’t take more than the day of and the next off from work, returning back to surgery even if his thoughts remain on his wife at home. April had taken a couple more of, even if it’s in part for mental recovery more than physical. She makes her way through the book and rereads a few others, to the point where some chapters she didn’t take away any of, and others left her in tears. The last thing she needed was more emotional trauma, but at least in the text, it was healing. It came to a resolution, tied neatly together, in one form or another. She was just waiting for her own life to come and do the same.

Even if it felt like that was in the distant future.

But the time off, she’d come to her own resolutions about the future and what it did and didn’t hold. All of the time to herself at home meant that she had a little too much time to think. Books and television could only offer so much of a distraction for her. It was just hard to have the conversation with Jackson. She knew what family meant to him.

Which was why she waited until the night before she had to go back to work. A tiny strategy, in case things went completely terrible. At least then, she’d be focused on work instead of nothing. That was a significantly better distraction than anything she could have found around the house.

April waited until the two of them were in bed that night, warm in silky pajamas beneath the sheet of her bed. She’d been in it for awhile now, waiting for him to finish up in the bathroom with shaving off the awful mustache that had come up in the past few days. Normally, she would have greeted him with a soft smile when he climbed into bed with her, no matter how tired she was. But with everything on her mind now, she couldn’t muster it up.

“I’ve been thinking about us, the future,” she started slowly, laying on her back so her gaze was on the ceiling.

“I know how much having a family of your own means to you. That it’s why you’ve had such an active role in trying and doing everything that you can for me. And I know that you’d be a great father, Jackson. I don’t have a doubt about that. But I don’t think that I want to keep trying, baby. This is just… it’s too much. To go so long, begging and praying to get pregnant, and then why I finally do… to be handed this? To have to abort the only child that ever took? The chances of ectopic pregnancy only increase after you’ve had one. And I don’t want to go through that again. I don’t want to keep trying.”

The speech that April delivered resulted in absolute silence from Jackson. It was clear that she had already made up her mind on the matter. The rational part of him knew and understood that this was her body and that because of that, it was ultimately her decision, her choice, not his. And yet… the irrational part, the sensitive husband inside of him, is hurt. Tears glistened inside of green eyes, and it’s good for a brief moment that she’s not looking at him.

“You’re sure?” It’s the only thing that he could muster up at the moment, throat tightening. He doesn’t want to argue with her despite every fiber in his body disagreeing with the ultimatum that she had produced. Jackson had been imaging a family with her for such a long time, a little perfect mixture of the two of them. Throwing that away now? After all of the months of trying, the frustrations? It seemed irrational.

And yet, there’s still a tiny flicker of anger inside of him that comes with the blow. There had been so much blame that she had cast on him for why they hadn’t been able to have a child of her own, after the misdiagnosis of her fallopian tubes being blocked. Even if she’d never lashed out at him verbally about it, it’d been clear that she thought it was his fault. And Jackson had thought that about himself for awhile too, even though it had never been intentional. The hooking, the chlamydia that came from it – that had all been on him, and only he could take responsibility for that. Yet now, it seemed as if the tables had finally turned. She was the reason that they wouldn’t have a family. The guilt and shame that he had been wearing for months had finally uprooted itself from his gut, and yet the negative energy couldn’t just disappear. It had to go somewhere, no matter how he wanted to try and keep it off of her.

"I'm sure," April confirmed with the slightest nod of her head, still refusing to glance over at him.

"Okay," the bed shifted as he spoke. "I"m going to go sleep on the couch," Jackson announced without so much as a second glance at her.

"Jackson–" April attempted to call out after him, sitting up on her elbows to watch his retreating backside. "Can we talk about this?" She's sure that he could hear her from down the hallway, but there's no response or reappearance. A little ironic, perhaps, that she was the one trying to talk, yet she had made it clear at the same time that there wasn't much to talk about.

The silence now was heavier than that of which filled the house the past few days. Lonelier, too.


	13. Therapy

They sit down in therapy together after two impossibly long weeks of tension between them. It’s Jackson’s idea even though he felt as if he had done nothing wrong in the situation, but he doesn’t want to keep going at the rate that they’ve been. He’s sure that if it went on for too long, there would be no coming back from it. He was just glad that she actually agreed to it.

Sitting on the couch, though, the distance between them managed to take a literal form. He leaned against one arm of the loveseat and her the other, the closest that the two of them get to each other is April’s leg crossed, foot lingering close to his knee. 

Betsy had been recommended to him by one of their coworkers, Mark, who had apparently saved the relationship that he had built up with Lexie. The two of them seemed happy together now, and it gave him some kind of hope. She was perhaps a decade older than the two of them, long, frizzy dark hair. From the brief conversations that they had on the phone, he could already tell that she was full of personality. There’s a large tattoo of an owl that’s visible on the outside of the calf from the capri length pants that she was wearing today, and he could tell that April had already begun to make a few judgments about the therapist that they were seeing based on the lack of traditional professional values that she displayed. He wasn’t surprised, even if he wished for a moment that he was.

“So, I want to remind the both of you that now’s a chance to be perfectly honest. Sometimes it’s harder when it’s just you and your partner, trust me, I know. But I’m here as a mediator, to make this easier for the both of you,” Betsy started to speak, smiling politely at the both of us. “Tell me, what brings you in today?”

Jackson started, knowing that April wouldn’t. “The two of us tried to have a baby for a long time, and it was… hard. Really hard on the both of us. We got a misdiagnosis at first, and uh, when it did eventually get clarified… it turned out that we were pregnant, but it was an ectopic pregnancy. We had to abort so April wouldn’t die,” he explained. As he spoke, a hand reached out to try and close the distance between the two of them sitting on the couch, but April actively kept her gaze forward on the wall to avoid seeing either of them directly.

“April?” Betsy said, her gaze turning directly to the redhead. “Is there anything you’d like to add?”

“No,” she answered shortly. “If you want me to be honest, then I don’t know why we’re here.”

“But you agreed to come,” Jackson added in quickly. “I didn’t force you here.”

“To make you happy.” April retorted quickly.

He couldn’t help but sigh at the answer that she offered. It was one without fault, sure, but it felt like his happiness in their marriage hadn’t been much of a priority lately. Not with the fact that she had shot it down so easily, that she had denied having children with him just because the going had been rough for awhile. Wasn’t marriage supposed to be about for better and for worse? They had gotten through the worse, hopefully, without even opening the door for the better parts.

“April, why don’t you think that you need to be here?” Betsy asked.

“I don’t think that talking about any of this is going to change my mind. I’ve made it up. I don’t want to have kids. I know that it means a lot to Jackson and I know that he’d be a great father but after everything that the two of us have been through together, I don’t want to keep going through the worse. That ectopic pregnancy? That almost destroyed me. But I don’t get to be upset about it because he’s upset about me not wanting to try again, like he can’t process the fact that I already lost a baby and I don’t want to go through that again.” April snapped off with much more information than what she had intended.

Before Jackson could step in with a retort, Betsy interrupted. “Now, April, Jackson’s right here. This is a conversation that the two of you need to be having together, not between the two of us, okay? I’m here to guide the conversation, but it is your conversation.” She clarified.

“You made up your mind without taking what I wanted into consideration,” Jackson reminded her, a hint of anger in his voice despite trying to remain calm about it. “You decided. Not me. This is our life together, but you’re not letting me have any kind of say in it.”

“You’re the one who wanted to be here!” April defended herself quickly.

“Okay, let’s try and take it down a notch and stop with all of the 'you did this, you did that',” Betsy piped up, pausing the pen scribbling against her notepad and set it down. “It’s important for the both of you to start taking responsibility for your action. I’ve been doing this for awhile and I know that these kind of issues are never a one-sided thing, trust me. So let’s take a step back individually.” She suggested.

Jackson took a deep breath, flattening his hands against the top of his thighs. “I feel like that I’m faulted for a lot of things and I don’t get my input. I know that I’m not perfect, baby, but… I’m trying here. I don’t want to have this argument for the rest of my life.” He breathed out, his voice quieting slightly.

A frown twisted across April’s expression before speaking. “Maybe I’m being a little bit of a control freak. I just don’t want to keep going through this pain over and over again. It’s eating me up. It’s making me feel like a failure of a woman because I can’t do something as simple as giving you a baby and I don’t know how to keep feeling inadequate over and over again.” The words are hard for her to express, her gaze dropping down and staring shamefully at her hands. The view is a bit outdated, that having a child was such a woman’s responsibility and she was a failure of one if she wasn’t capable of providing one, and yet it’s one that she had been raised with. She could logic her way out of it outlaid, talk through it, yet it didn’t affect the heaviness that it placed inside of her head. Sometimes knowing didn’t always help.

“I don’t think that you’re inadequate, April.” Jackson chimed in quickly.

“And you’re not,” Betty agreed. “You’re both allowed to have your feelings, but sometimes you have to recognize that these feelings don’t always line up with what’s actually going on around you.” She added sympathetically, knowing it was a tough issue for all couples to go through. Children frequently were a make or break point.

“Now, I’d like the both of you to take a step back,” Betty started, leaning forward in her chair. “I want you to try and take the other’s point of view on this issue. Jackson, why don’t you go first?” She suggested.

“Okay.” Jackson paused, nodding to himself and taking a deep breath. “I uh, I’m upset about the baby that we lost. I don’t feel good about it. I don’t have hope for the future and right now it seems easier not to explore it and play it safe, instead of going forward and trying.” He tried not to be condescending with his assessment of her words, glancing over at his wife for approval or… well, anger. Either would have been appropriate depending on the accuracy. But instead, he’s greeted with neither. April looked upset more than anything, and that seemed like the indicator that he had managed to hit it on the head.

Both of them were now looking at the redhead. “April, how do you feel about what Jackson just said?” Betsy asked.

“There’s nothing wrong with it,” April breathed out quietly, picking at a loose thread on her blouse.

“Mmhm. But how do you feel, honey?” She said with a little more emphasis.

“I…” she stuttered to get out a good start. “He’s right. I’m scared of more pain and don’t want to go down that path when it seems like there’s this perfectly safe future in front of us.” She admitted shamefully, sighing and glancing away from the both of them, tears beginning to glitter in the rim of her eyelids.

Jackson refused to take the distance between the two of them any longer, scooting closer to her on the couch and wrapping both of his hands around one of hers, giving it a squeeze. April doesn’t immediately look over but her features are softened for a breath moment with a smile of recognition for what he was trying to do with her, appreciating it even if she can’t vocalize that gratitude at the moment.

“You’re both doing good,” Betsy complimented as she watched the pair. “Now April, why don’t you take a crack at it?”

April nodded her head, sniffling and blinking a few times before she can manage to find her voice. “I’m feeling hurt because I’m not getting my way. I see the outcome as worth it no matter how much pain there is between here and there.” She’s too upset to offer a lot more than that at the moment, mouth twisting to the side and it’s clear that she’s trying to hold back any tears from spilling past her lids. So far, she was holding up well, but it didn’t seem as if it were going to last for very long.

“Alright, and Jackson, now you tell me how you feel about what she just said.” Betsy turned it back to him.

“I feel like I’m still not being listened to,” Jackson admitted with a frown, gave moving over to the therapist to not have to look at his wife when he said it. “It’s not about me not getting my way. It’s about me not getting any input,” he clarified.

The redhead fell silent, annoyance coming forward for a moment to keep the tears at bay. For her, it wasn’t that she wasn’t listening. She heard what he said, she’d heard it every time that it had been brought up, but she wasn’t able to absorb it and really take it to a level of comprehension. She was stuck inside of her head, the fear leaving her paralyzed in place instead of giving her the option of trying to find a way to go forward. He had been much more accurate with his assessment of what was going on inside of her head, and that same assessment was the thing currently preventing her from seeing his issues.

“I want to listen,” April squeaked out. “I just… I can’t.” She offered with no explanation.

“I think that this is going to be something good for the two of you to work at in the coming days,” Betsy offered up. “April, you’re scared to go forward with having a baby. And Jackson, even though you clearly can recognize that she’s scared, I don’t think that you’re giving her a reason not to be. Both of those things are hard. This fear is the thing that’s blocking your relationship, and it’s the thing that the two of you need to get past if you want to find any kind of resolution here.”

The pair fell silent with her assessment, for a brief moment, the two of them coming to exist on the same page once more. April was terrified, and she hadn’t been able to find a reason not to be – Betsy was certainly right about that much. All she could see was a future of more pain and disappointment, miscarriages, and D&Cs. She was no longer able to picture that curly-haired baby, the image that she had fallen in love with so many months ago when they had first discussed having a baby of their own.

And Jackson, instead, had the opposite problem. That end goal was the only thing that he was capable of seeing, not able to completely comprehend the fear that she had of what existed between now and then. The ectopic pregnancy had been dealt with in a different way in his head, able to separate himself from the condition more easily than she had. Being able to do that was the thing that had put them on such different pages. And going back on that? That seemed like it only had the potential to cause more problems for the both of them.

Tips and tricks are given to having an honest and open discussion, examples are given, and that takes up the rest of the time that the two of them had paid for. The both of them needed to get headed back to work rather quickly after the appointment, but at least they had the chance to talk to each other one-on-one in the car ride back over to the hospital.

“So, what did you think about that?” Jackson asked his wife as he reached over, finding one of her hands.

“She was nicer than I thought she’d be,” April commented, taking his hand though she glanced out the window. “I guess… you were both right, about me being scared. I don’t know how you can just look to the future in the way that you do. I wish I did. I really, really do. But my mind just doesn’t work like that,” she sighed.

“I know,” he lifted up her hand to his mouth, brushing his lips against the back of her knuckles. “But I married you for you, differences and all,” Jackson reminded her gently. “We’ll get through this, April, I know we will. I don’t want you to be living in fear about this.” He sympathized gently.

Even if Jackson had gone into the therapist’s office with his own intention about what he was not receiving in the marriage, he came out more worried about her coming out than he had been before. He’d never gone thinking about why she was so stuck in her way deeply enough until he’d been prompted to. It helped that he understood her now, even if he couldn’t throw himself into the same mindset. He got it, but he couldn’t empathize with it. Not when he’d been so instead in the idea of the future that he’d thought they were going to build together. Now he had to think about everything twice.

“I don’t want to keep going like this either,” April confessed, giving his hand a squeeze. “I really don’t. I just don’t know how to stop.”

The two of them fall quiet for the remainder of the car ride, some kind of twisted relief present that they were able to be on the same page about things again, even if the page wasn’t necessarily the happiest one that they had had in their relationship. It was better than nothing. Something was a start, and the kickstart was what they needed at the moment. The biggest fault was neither of them really knew where to go forward from the little kick, giant question marks instead lingering over their head with the lack of ideas. Jackson wanted to give her some kind of comfort, pull some kind of statistic or something for her – but he knew if there was a good one out there that exited, she would have already found it herself and clung onto it from the beginning. Maybe there was something in the Bible that he’d be able to fish out, his head racking itself for stories, but even the popularity of Christianity as a whole didn’t give the atheist any ideas immediately.

But that night, he does take to doing a little research. Even if his brain didn’t have the fable that he was looking for, there was plenty to read up on in the Bible. Maybe it was silly that he was the one doing this when she was a Christian, she was the expert on everything that it had to offer. But he was hoping that reaching out through something that she cherished and held so closely would be the key.

Falling into bed that night, they’re comfortable with each other for the first time in awhile, even if sex is still momentarily off the table for them with what could potentially come from that. Other nights Jackson might have complained about it, but tonight, he doesn’t mind so much. Not when he’d already outlined some of a conversation in his head.

“I was doing some reading earlier,” Jackson started slowly. “About the story of Abraham and Sarah.”

April rolled over, escaping from his grip, solely so that she could face him. “Really?”

“Yeah. Old couple, woman didn’t believe that she’d be able to have a child even when she was told.” Jackson glossed over the version, shifting forward to press a soft kiss against her lips. “And a year later, the two of them had their son. Now, I’m not a fan of the name Isaac particularly, but… this is from your Bible. Your God, baby. I know that you have faith in Him more than you do anything else. Are you doubting him?” The question is asked to his wife sincerely, wanting to check in on her, not trying to have his words being twisted.

“No, I’m not,” April sighed. “This just doesn’t feel like the same thing.”

“Well, you’re right. We’re not a hundred,” he said, trying to lighten her mood.

“Not what I meant,” she rolled her eyes.

“I know,” Jackson’s arm snaked around her waist once more, pulling her tiny frame to flush up against his much larger one. “I just thought that you could use a reminder of that story, you know? Maybe we should go to church in the morning. I’ll go with you,” he made the suggestion casually, light green eyes seeking out her gaze.

Even if the idea caught her off guard given that she was generally the one who made church plans and the like, it’s still appreciated, gratefully warming some of the heaviness that had settled in her heart from the openness of their conversation previous in the day. She hadn’t expected him to make this kind of leap in her, knowing that he wasn’t opening his mind to the faith that she had held precious for her entire life – no, he was being a good husband. He was doing something for her, like he always did. Maybe she needed to take a page from his book and learn how to give more selflessly to him. That was supposed to be the Christian thing to do, after all. Church might have been the exact reminder that she needed right now.

“That’s a good idea,” April agreed with a slight nod of her head, lifting up her chin so that she could kiss him.


	14. Reunion

The two of them go to church in the morning and Jackson sat with her throughout the service without complaint. Participation is minimal – shaking hands with their neighbors for the sake of avoiding any awkwardness, bowing his head, but no prayers come from his lips. He’s never believed in God, never had a reason to. But he could respect his wife’s beliefs, he could support her. Especially when the two of them were going through such a tough time. And maybe he owed whoever wrote the Bible some kind of credit if the story of Sarah and Abraham had knocked a little more sense back into her head.

He avoided being on his phone for the sake of her not elbowing, and listened with minimal interest. It was something about faith and fear, not terribly boring, but not anything that garnered his interest. More interest was in toying with the ends of her hair.

So by the time that the two of them are headed to brunch down the block, he’s happy to sling his arm around her.

But even after the therapy session and managing to fall asleep in bed together, curled around each other without the slightest bit of space between, they don’t actually talk about the issue. Not yet. It’s left as an elephant in the room, though it didn’t feel nearly as big as it had before all of the conversations had taken place. It just exists, hanging in the air, staying there.

“Do you want to order pizza for dinner?” Jackson asked her.

It’s a quick conversation and they order a large pizza for the two of them, April threw together a Caesar salad. They had a quiet day between the two of them, Jackson catching up on one of the games that he had missed this week and April finishing up one of the novels that she had committed herself to recently, The Cobra Event. It was a little terrifying for her at times, more intense than some of her normal reads, but she liked the medical aspect that came with it. It got her mind reeling with a few conspiracy theories, too, which Jackson had been in charge of shutting down to keep her from getting in too deep. When their food got to their house, they both scarfed it down with gusto, cleaned up the kitchen once they were finished, and settled together on the couch to watch some Star Trek movie that had already started on one of the movie channels.

April snuggled into his open arm, her head placed on his shoulder comfortably. A blanket was drawn across their laps for the sake of warmth, enjoying his fingers drawing little patterns against her collarbone.

“I was thinking about babies and everything,” she braced the topic during one of the commercial breaks, releasing the breath that she had been holding onto. She knew that she had been the obstacle in the way, it hadn’t been any kind of secret. Which meant reasonably that she needed to be the one to break down first and start the conversation. He’d pushed enough, he’d made it clear what he wanted.

“Yeah?” He turned his head toward her, pulling away slightly for a better view.  
“Maybe we can start to try again, but… I don’t know if I want to go through with everything that we were doing last time. Maybe we can just try like two normal people. No fertility drugs, no ovulation monitoring or basal temperatures in the morning. Just a normal married couple having normal sex. I’ll chill after and let the sperm settle, but… I don’t want to do more than that. I can’t get overly invested again.” April explained.

His hand smoothed over her arm for a moment, and Jackson nodded his head in agreement before he could say anything else. It wasn’t the kind of crushing blow that he had learned to expect from her these days. Instead, it was some kind of middle ground between what the both of them wanted. More lenient to what he wanted, even if he knew what she was really getting at with everything that she was explaining. She needed him to back off, he had been the one who’d been obsessive about all of that since they had first struggled in the beginning, checking off all of the little boxes and crossing t’s, dotting i’s. Maybe his overbalance had just been too much. He could do that much for her. He would.

“Sure,” he agreed as he leaned in to place a sweet, chaste kiss on her lips. “Sure, baby. We can do whatever you want to do.” His hand came up to cup her face as he spoke, thumb stroking her cheekbone gently.

The contact only lasted for a moment before his hand moved to the back of his neck and Jackson pulled her in closer to her, lips sealing on top of hers in a firm, passionate kiss. He doesn’t want any of the distance to be there anymore, not when the past days had been tense enough between the two of them. The sooner that it was gone, the better for the both of them. He was kissing her like it was the only thing in the world to do. There were desperate little noises clawing their way up April’s throat. They fall back into habits with nearly no effort having to be put between the two of them, April keening into his every touch until her lungs burned with desperation for oxygen.

“I didn’t mean right now,” she teased, nipping at his lower lip.

Her skin is warm and soft, just like always. His hands move from her neck to her hips, sliding beneath her top to feel the pale skin all for herself, fingers stretched across her slender frame. She was so tiny compared to him, so easy to move and manipulate. One muscular arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her directly onto the lap, the blanket falling off onto the floor.

“Maybe I did.” Jackson murmured, mouth moving to her neck to nip and suck at every sensitive spot, making sure to leave marks with everything that he did. April let out a happy noise, not quite a moan but close enough and he can feel it reverberate straight into his cock. He dragged his hands up over her stomach until they reach her breasts and cupped them firmly. With the thin bralette beneath her shirt, he can feel her nipples harden beneath his touch, responding to him all too eagerly. She was loosening up, giving a slight grind down against him. The feel of her pressed against him was enticing.

Jackson leaned back with a cocky smile on his face, pulling her shirt off as he did so and then his own. He gently tumbled her nipples, watching as April squirmed. Her nipples were a dusky pink, a shade that had become his favorite color since he’d first gotten a peek.

“More,” April begged him softly as she ground down on him.

Hands go to her hips and he stands up, hands holding onto the seat of her ass. There’s no effort made to go to the bedroom, though, instead just adjusting their position so that she was laying out on the couch and he could tug her jeans down her legs. His clothes follow hers onto the floor moments later.

There’s a visible wet spot already formed on the cotton material of her polka dot panties, and it makes him smile. So cute, even in the middle of being a god damn sex machine. His hand came up to cup over her sex, palm rubbing against her clit to listen to the delicious noises that came from her lips.

“Please don’t tease me, baby,” April pleaded with him.

His fingers hooked around her panties, tugging them down. “Spread your legs for me.” He ordered, stretching up to flick his tongue across one of her nipples. “There’s my pretty girl,” Jackson praised as she moaned out for him. Slowly, he stroked over her wet folds, watching as her hips canted up to try and sensually rock along with what he was doing. “Just tell me what you need,” he murmured affectionately. She looked so beautiful — pale legs littered with freckles; rosy lips; wide eyes, a kind shade of hazel.

“Your mouth,” she requested.

Jackson doesn’t hesitate, moving down to settle between her legs and hooking her thighs over his shoulders. April threw her head back with a groan when he laid a wet kiss on her clit, a litany of words spilled out of her mouth. He pulled back the hood of her clit. It’s flushed red and practically begging for his mouth, and he doesn't hesitate. She jolted at the feeling as his lips wrapped around her bud, his tongue coming out to flick at her gently. Arching up, she brought a hand down to his head, pressing his face against her in a bid to get him closer. He complied, letting the tip of his tongue circle her over and over, before sucking gently, eliciting a moan. She wanted something more to grab at, his hair too short, fingers scraping lightly along his scalp.

Her skin had turned a lovely shade of blush, starting at her cheeks and spreading down her chest and stomach. She was slick and pink, glistening for him. And perfect—always perfect, Jackson thought. Her hips circled toward him, chasing for his mouth.

Jackson blew across her core and watched her shivered before he dived back in, licking and sucking, nibbling at everything he could get to hear her come undone above her. It doesn’t take long before his fingers had joined him in his mission, eating at her like he was trying to tear her apart, short stubble brushing across her skin. April’s heels dug into his back as she began to see stars and it doesn’t take long until a certain flick of the tongue sends her flying over the edge, screaming out for him.

Before April had a real chance to recover, Jackson moved inside of her with one quick stroke, her tight heat enveloping him fully as he pressed up against her. A sigh escaped her mouth and he exhaled loudly, her walls fluttering around his cock the slightest bit as he sheathed himself completely inside her.

April got impatient first, pressing her hands on his chest, and he took the hint, lifting himself up on his elbows, drawing his length out of her. Before he slipped out completely, he pushed back inside, the slow drag of his cock against her walls having them both moaning. Their free hands joined again at one point or another and Jackson squeezed her fingers tight, his forehead resting on top of hers. A smile pulled at his expression, their breaths mingling as they steadily kept getting closer and closer to their respective releases. Sweat glistened across their skin as the pace between them became faster and more desperate, clinging onto each other like there was nothing else in the world that mattered, mouths agape with each thrust and air knocked out of their lungs.

His skin was sizzling with desire, his mind going hazy when April squeezed herself around him, toppling over the edge with another thrust of his cock inside her. She dug her nails into Jackson’s shoulders, her body arching into his as the pleasure rolled through her, little gasps and moans escaping her mouth. He followed her soon after, the pressure getting to be too much for him to keep holding back. He filled her up with his come, riding out his release as she clung to him, still in the post-orgasmic daze.

For a long moment, time completely stilled around them, they stay like that.

Jackson raised his hand to tuck a loose strand back behind April’s ear, stroking the auburn hair gently. Chest rise and fell a few times to catch his breath again, finally dropping his lips once more to brush them against his wife’s. 

“I have missed you so much,” he whispered to her.

“I’m sorry,” April apologized sincerely, managing to wear a sad smile on her lips even in the midst of her post-orgasm haze. “I wish I wasn’t acting that way, but… I don’t know. I’m trying here, baby,” she murmured.

“I know.” Another sweet kiss is pressed to her lips, finally pulling out of her. A bit of cum dripped from her and he grabbed his shirt, cleaning it up off the couch. It’s dropped once again before he picked her up, this time bridal style, carrying her to the bathroom and setting her down on the countertop. He twisted the shower on, giving it a moment to heat up before the two of them got in. “And I’m not mad,” he promised her with a hand on his knee. “I could never stay mad at you.”

It’s good, for a while. The two of them fall right back where they were meant to be all along, attached at the hip and always with minimal space between the two of them, constant teasing from Mark and Arizona about their PDA at work. April always blush and it just made Jackson smirk all the more, completely proud of the relationship that he was in and not wanting it to be hidden.

As much as he may have wanted it otherwise, though, the two of them didn’t get a lot of O.R. time together. Jackson had his fair share of elective surgeries and she was pretty much on the opposite end of the spectrum, as far as he was concerned. So he’s happy to stand there and chatter along with her as they work on a firefighter together. He’d taken off some of his gear in order to save someone else’s life, or something of the matter – they hadn’t quite gotten a clear picture of what all had happened because of the rush that they had been in to get him upstairs and to the O.R. It’s a rancid smell, and he can’t fault her for the comments and faces that she’d made about it. He didn’t like it any more than he did, even if he’s gotten used to burn victims in the course of his work.

Even so, he’s not expecting the clatter of a tray of instruments as April collapsed.

“Edwards, get to her now!” He can’t move from his position though he does freeze. “Is she bleeding? Page neuro, now. She just slammed her head on the floor. Get her out of here and get her help, I need an update as soon as there’s one available.” His words are considerably more steady than anything he was feeling, wishing that he was able to see her on the other side of the table.

The rest of the surgery is nearly impossible to get himself through when the only thing that he wants to do is be with her, make sure that everything was alright. Even though there wasn’t an explicit trust among him and all of his coworkers, especially when it came to taking care of each other, that eating feeling in his gut didn’t give a damn about any of that. All of his self-control is taken to not page Mark and get him to take over for him.

But he’s nearly running to find her the second that he had scrubbed up. Two nurses are harassed before he finds the room that she’s in, and he’s glad to see her up and awake, chatting bubbly with Arizona. No amount of church could make him really believe in God, and yet there’s the instinct to thank him for just a moment.

“Hey,” Jackson greeted unsteadily as he entered the room, worried green eyes fixated on his wife.

“Hi!” April chirped. “Before you can even ask, I’m totally fine. Dehydration, low blood pressure. No big something terrible hiding there.” She spouted off the information quickly and gave him a warm smile, patting the space next to her on the bed so that he would come and join her there. It doesn’t take any more prompting than that for him to half sit on the bed facing her, taking one of her tiny hands inside of both of hers.

“I’ll give you two a minute. She’s really fine though, Jackson, I promise. I wouldn’t let her lie to you.” Arizona shot April a wink before walking out of the room, shutting the door behind her so they had a little bit of privacy between the two of them.

Jackson rose her hand to his mouth, kissing each individual knuckle. “You scared the crap out of me, April,” he commented, letting out an unsteady breath. “Is that really it?”

“Well, not quite,” she admitted, chewing on her bottom lip. “They ran a few labs just to make sure that everything was y’know, running smoothly and that it was nothing big. And something did come back…” She took a deep breath.

“I’m pregnant.”

There’s a hefty pause after the information is received, Jackson staring at her blankly as if he hadn’t heard the words in the first place. When really, they play through his head, again and again, making sure that he had heard her right. And he’s nearly waiting for some kind of blow to follow it, some kind of but that was about to shatter his heart. But even when he says nothing, she doesn’t offer anything negative, anything that was about to ruin his hope at the family with her that he had wanted for so long.

“Really?” Jackson finally questioned, needing to know that it was all good news before he could properly open up his heart to receiving the information.

“Really. Probably six weeks, so… it’s early. But it’s normal.” April shifted as she spoke, pulling out a print off of the ultrasound that she had while he was in surgery and showing him.

Jackson took it in his hands eagerly, recognizing the tiny cluster of cells without any struggle. To anyone else, it barely looked like anything other than two haphazard dots, but he can recognize it as a still-forming head and body. The broad smile finally cracked across his features and consumed it completely as he looked up from the ultrasound to his wife with a beaming smile, a joyful laugh finally falling from his lips. He pulled her into his arms with a tight hug, unable to help the tears that had finally slipped through his eyes and squeezing him tightly. With everything that they had been through, perhaps it was too early for the two of them to be excited about it. But he couldn’t have cared less about that at the moment.

“We’re pregnant,” he whispered in her ear excitedly.

“Yeah, we’re really pregnant.”


	15. New

The appointment for their ultrasound is made almost immediately. Even if it’s still early on in the pregnancy, because of her complicated history with pregnancy, it was important to get it checked off and out of the way as soon as possible. Make sure that everything looked like it was attached correctly. It’d still be a few weeks before they could have the conversation about the possibility of getting a CVS test, but they would come to that discussion on their own terms. The immediate focus was making sure that it was a healthy, viable fetus.

It’s a few tense, quiet moments before the quick beating of a fetal heartbeat can be heard on the monitor and they both feel like they can breathe again.

“That’s our baby,” April whispered, wonder and amazement sparkling in her eyes.

“Yeah, it is,” Jackson said with a broad smile stretched across his face, bending down to brush his lips against the top of her head. “That’s our beautiful little boy, huh?” He teased, having already made up his mind about how he was going to refer to their baby.

“It could be a girl. Too early to tell.” She glanced away from the image of the sonogram on the screen for a moment so that she could stick out her tongue playfully at him. But she grabbed his hand only a moment layer, placing it on her flat stomach above where the gel was. There was no discernible bump, practically no more bloated than what she had been on her period or when they had tried the IVF drugs, and no movement to feel. Yet it’s meaningful all the same, sentiment resting in their hearts even if it wasn’t tangible yet.

“You’re right, it’s too early to tell,” the OB/GYN, Dr. Montgomery, interrupted. “But if you choose to do the chorionic villus sampling in a few weeks, then we’ll be able to tell you then if you want. I assume that you two want a print off on the sonogram?” She asked for confirmation.

“Two, please,” April answered quickly with an eager nod of her head. One just for the two of them, of course, but she wanted one to be able to send to her mother. Even if they had to wait a few weeks. She knew that rationally it was too soon to get excited, that everything in their history told her not to. She was fighting the joy in her heart, the endearing love that had already filled her for the little life growing rapidly inside of her uterus. Love meant the possibility for more agony if she lost this baby, too. Shutting herself down could offer some protection from the worst of it, some layer of protection. But it’s hard to do that when she can see the rejuvenation of life inside of her husband’s eyes, the tiny little cluster of cells on the screen that doesn’t look like much more than two blurry dots. It was too real for her to be able to shut out, no matter how that broken piece of her heart told herself to.

Jackson grabbed the little towel for her and rubbed the gel off of her stomach gently, unaware that he was treating herself a bit more gently than what was necessary. But he wanted this just as fiercely as she did, he wanted that family. Their family. He would do whatever he could to make this easier for her, physically or emotionally.

After the two printouts were made, each one of them takes one to cherish. “Now, April, I know that you’re passionate about your work. But you need to do your best to try and take it easy. Hydrate and listen your body. I don’t want to hear about you passing out in the O.R., and I’m sure that you don’t want to be doing that either.” She lectured her gently. “You’re measuring six weeks and four days. I’m going to schedule you to come back in three weeks, that way if you’ve decided you want to do the CVS, I’ll be able to take a sample then and there. Given your history, I recommend it, but the decision is yours. Have a good rest of your evening.” She offered the both of them a smile before leaving them be.

“Do you have anything that you need to get done before we go home?” Jackson asked his wife, looping his arm around her shoulders as they began walking down the hospital hallway. “Or are you ready to go?”

“Yep, I’m ready to go,” April answered with a bob of her head.

“I was thinking that maybe we could go to the grocery store, pick up a few things. Make sure we’re well stocked with groceries, snacks, anything that you might need.” Jackson’s not much of a cook, he was able to get by but couldn’t pull off grand meals quite as well as his wife could. 

Of course, the words are easy to take as that of a thoughtful husband thinking ahead for the inevitable cravings that she was going to have at some point or another. But mostly, he was thinking about her electrolyte balance and blood sugar, medical expertise sliding in with the husband role. Gatorade, vitamin water, bananas, tomato soup. Bread and sliced cheese, garlic powder because she refused to eat just a plain grilled cheese. That was her favorite thing for Jackson to make for her, some grilled cheese and tomato soup, always dunking the sandwich into the soup and draining whatever was left after like milk from a cereal bowl. He’d teased her for it the first few times that he’d watched her do it, but honestly, it was one of her most adorable habits.

The last thing that Jackson wanted to see was her fainting again and he knew that getting her to take time off of work was going to be a challenge. So he would just do everything that he could to make sure that she was well fueled throughout the work day. Even if it resulted in a grocery cart that was too full and a nagging wife.

“You don’t think that you’re being a little ridiculous?” A question that April would ask him multiple times over the next few weeks, pretty much every time that he went to the grocery store, or popped his head down into the emergency room to hand her a banana or granola bar or whatever he had deemed necessary for that particular day.

“I think that I’m being a perfectly concerned husband looking out for his wife.” Jackson gave a variation of the retort every single time, sending her that charming smile that had made her knees weak from the very first time that she had seen it. Some things just never got old.

Their pantry and cabinets stayed stuffed full of anything that she could have needed, but nausea became all-consuming for her after a week or two. If it wasn’t gatorade or soup and crackers, it didn’t stay down. A lot of time is spent in the bathroom for the both of them. April tried to push him out so that she could throw up in peace, but he insisted on being there with her whenever he caught it, holding back her hair and rubbing her back.

But the talk about what tests they should and shouldn’t do hadn’t been able to settle. Both of them wanted to know that this was a healthy pregnancy, that they weren’t going to have to worry about genetic defects or faults. Beliefs differed on a life worth living and they avoided getting too deep into that conversation for the sake of keeping either’s feelings from being hurt. It was a big and a small if all the same, the odds fortunately against something like that happening, and better left hinging.

“The risks for a CVS are slightly higher than that of an amnio,” Jackson reminded her gently, the night before. His hand rested on her bare stomach, a tiny bump just barely beginning to protrude from her abdomen, but still small enough that his hand could cover the entirety of it.

“If we decide that we want to know, I’m… not sure that I want to wait another three months.” April chewed on her lower lip. “I rather know sooner rather than later. If–if there’s something wrong. I want to have all the time to prepare.” Especially if it was a condition that would prove to be fatal, whether it was immediately after the birth or years to come. 

“I think that we should know.” He reminded her. “I’m not trying to talk you out of it.”

“I know. You want me to see both sides.”

That was something that had never been an issue for April, though. Her problem was usually that she saw more than just two sides, more than the black of white. She saw the grays, the silvers, everything that existed in between. Everything that posed doubt and insecurity throughout her mind, that made it difficult to come to the point of deciding one option was definitively better than the other.

“I guess if we were going to do it, then Dr. Montgomery is the right person to do it with,” April commented as she rolled onto her side so that she could face her husband directly, dislodging his hand from her pale stomach slightly. “The risk of miscarriage lasts a little longer, too. So… maybe I do the CVS test. Then I take the rest of the week off of work after that. Owen will be fine with it. He can manage on his own for a few days and if anything too big occurs, then I can come in. Try to put the odds in our favor a little more.” She rationalized as if the already tiny odds were much bigger than what they actually were.

“I think that sounds very smart,” Jackson agreed with a nod of his head, shifting forward so that he could place a gentle kiss on her lips. “You want to get a head start on that rest now?”

“Mmhm.” April hummed, rolling over once more so that her back was up against his chest. Her exhaustion with the pregnancy had already become huge and she knew that it was just a burden of the first trimester, among other things. None of this had been easy for her on a physical spectrum. Morning sickness was every morning and beyond, sports bras were just about the only thing that could get her through her day without complaining excessively, and she was nearly always stiff and sore no matter what she did to try and combat it.

And of course, sex was pretty much off the table. Even if it’s a shallow explanation of her lack of interest in anything of the kind, it’s more than that. Jackson hadn’t even tried to so much as initiate since they had found out. It’s stupid and entirely unfounded to think that sex was going to have an effect on the fetus, but… He felt that way, a slim paranoia. 

As much as Jackson wanted to be there and hold her hand throughout the actual procedure, his pager goes off before he gets the chance. April insisted that it wasn’t a big deal and it’d be another week or so before they even got the results, that the procedure itself didn’t matter all that much. It'd be no more than half an hour. She didn’t have to lie much, either. It’s a little uncomfortable and she looks away while it occurred. But she’d spend the afternoon laying in an on-call room till they could go home together. It’s a basic procedure. The results were the thing to be nervous about.

April was exactly one week shy of hitting the magical twelve-week mark when Dr. Montgomery notified them that their results were back and scheduled a quick, immediate appointment so that they could get them and see for themselves. Maybe other patients wouldn’t see anything examining the karyotypes, but most of her patients weren’t other doctors in the hospital who understood biology with the same ease that they did English.

“Hi, you guys,” Dr. Montgomery greeted them as she entered the room, pulling the door shut behind him. “You ready?” She prompted.

“Yes, please,” Jackson answered quickly.

“Your amnio results are perfectly normal. There’s not any indicator of any kind of genetic abnormality. Nothing to be worried about there. Like you know, it doesn’t assess neural tube defects like an amnio might, but we’ll be able to keep an eye on that throughout your pregnancy with measuring through ultrasounds. And your Rh factor looks good, April, no problems there either. Right now, it’s safe to say that you’re going to have a very healthy, happy baby.” She announced with a smile on her face.

A relieved sob is the first thing that could come out of April’s mouth, a hand coming up quickly to cover. She’d been terrified of the idea of miscarrying and she knew that a giant cause of that was believed to be genetic defects spontaneously aborting themselves.

“Thank you, thank you,” she breathed out. It’s half to her doctor, half to the God above who she was sure was looking out for the three of them.

“You have no reason to thank me,” Dr. Montgomery brushed off with a slight wave of her hand. “Do you guys want to know the sex of the baby?” She asked.

Jackson and April both look at each other for a moment, reading their eyes. They hadn’t discussed the subject much mostly because they had been too focused on the testing for genetic abnormalities. The sex didn’t matter much as long as they had a good little baby coming out in the end. But it’s easy to see, they’re both great at reading each other. They want to know. The more information, the better.

“Yeah, tell me I’ve got a boy coming,” Jackson answered as he glanced over at the OB/GYN.

Addison laughed. “Well, I think that April is going to like my answer a little more than you do. Two X chromosomes. You’re having a girl.”

“Hah!” April lets out the syllable with a playful elbow jabbing at her husband. “I told you!”

“So a mini-April, huh? I guess I can’t complain too much about that.” His nose gave a little twitch as he leaned in to steal a quick kiss from her mid-excitement, unable to help that his own large smile was encompassing her features entirely.

“You two are too cute,” Dr. Montgomery commented with a shake of her head as she stood up and pushed her stool away. “Let me know if you have anything questions or concerns that come up. The both of you. My door’s always open so don’t feel obligated to make an appointment.”

April’s legs swing off the table with more energy than she’s managed to muster up in the past few weeks, beaming as she stood up and wrapped her arms around her husband’s waist. His arms wrapped around hers in return, cozily pulling her further into his chest. “We’re having a girl,” he murmured against her forehead, a little sing-song voice coming out.

“We’re having a girl,” she echoed without missing a beat in the same song voice, giving a little swing side to side. “I love being right,” April added, grin turning cocky for a brief moment.

A happy hum escaped from Jackson, tightening his arms around her frame for a moment and turning the casual embrace into a much deeper hug. His nose buried on top of her head and he inhaled the scent of her shampoo, something new, a little more perfume-like than the usual floral scents that she went from. He pressed her into his front, taking a deep breath and breathing her in fully. This was the happiest he had been in a long time – maybe since their wedding. They were having a baby of their own, a healthy little girl. Hopefully, one that would look just like her mother, and have the same smile and beautiful laughter. He couldn’t think of anything more perfect.

“I love you being right too,” he finally chuckled out as he pulled away though his hands remained on her, resting on her shoulders for a moment. “You’re going to be such an amazing mom, April, you know that? Amazing. I couldn’t imagine someone more wonderful to raise a child with.” He could have fed her all the comments in the world about it, but for now, left it simple.

“As long as I have you by my side,” April replied with a sweet smile as she looked up at him.

“Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all sticking with me despite my occasionally and usually inconsistent updating! Please remember to review if you're reading. This chapter ended up being a bit shorter than what I originally planned but, I wanted something sweet and happy. After the past two weeks, I think we deserve that much.


	16. Futures

Arizona is the one who does almost all of the planning for their baby shower, which coincides as a gender reveal party. It’s in one of the lounges at the hospital so people can come and go as needed, Owen and Mark having promised both April and Jackson that they would do everything in their power to make sure neither of them got paged during it. Everyone in the hospital had been extremely supportive of the both of them once they’d decided to start telling people about the pregnancy.

There was enough food in there to feed an entire army, but the centerpiece was the cake. The inside of it was either pink or blue. Arizona and the baker were the only ones who knew which color was inside of it.

“Oh, there’s the woman of the hour!” Arizona called out when April finally arrived.

“Hi!” April beamed, belly leading her in. Seven months along and her feet had disappeared from her own eye-sight, the big baby bump being pretty much the first thing that everyone saw whenever she entered. She’d always been small, but pregnancy had exaggerated that with the juxtaposition. “Sorry, I know I’m late. I just wanted to check on one last patient.” She apologized quickly.

“Hey,” Jackson greeted her, bending down for a quick kiss.

“Baby and I are starving,” April announced, gravitating over toward the food table almost immediately. Her husband followed, his hand moving to cover her belly. “We haven’t cut the cake yet, have we? I wanted to be here for that.”

Arizona shook her head quickly. “No, of course not We were waiting for you two.” 

“I’m plenty ready for confirmation that I’ve got my little boy in there,” Jackson chuckled, rubbing her stomach.

“Avery, you are asking for trouble!” Callie chimed in with a laugh.

“Mmhm,” April hummed in agreement, bumping her hip against his. “I’m starving, so I am more than ready to cut the cake.” As she spoke, though, she’s already begun to gather up a little plate of food and popped a yogurt covered pretzel into her mouth, letting out a happy noise. “Seriously, I am starving.” 

“Alright, you two get over here.” Arizona grabbed April’s hand, pulling her and Jackson behind the table so that they could cut the cake themselves. Callie got people to hush down so they could make a big deal about it, Arizona quickly running to the other side of the table so that she could record it on their phone.

Jackson picked up the knife to cut the cake, beaming down at his wife as she nodded enthusiastically for him to continue. A slice of cake is cut and a small pause is taken before he pulled out the thin slice from the rest of the cake, holding it up so that everyone could see the coloring on the inside of the cake.

“It’s a girl!”

Cheers and laughter fill the sound of the lounge as people celebrated for them. Jackson swiped some of the white frostings off of the cake and dotted it onto April’s noise, resulting in loud laughter sipping from her lips. She stretched up for a kiss almost immediately, making sure to bump her nose against his face and get some of it on him as well. They were both beaming with the knowledge that April was carrying a growing, dancing little girl inside of her stomach, even after Jackson’s advocation and insistence that it was a son. They both used their fingers to wipe the frosting off their face, licking their fingers clean.

“I told you,” April hummed smugly as he put the slice of cake down on the little plate that she’d started for himself. She waited until he had gotten one of his own before moving away to grab a fork and scarf it down before any other baby shower activities could pull her away.

“Uh huh,” Jackson replied with amusement, placing his hand on her stomach once more. He was practically incapable of keeping himself from touching her in some way or another. “I’m telling you, still a little kick boxer inside of you, even if it’s a girl. You can’t fight that one.” 

April laughed and shook her head. “Our daughter is not going to be a kickboxer. Maybe a soccer player.” She replied.

“Don’t forget, Avery, the women’s US soccer team is a hell of a lot better than the men’s.” Callie interrupted with a bright smile. She placed her hand on April’s stomach for a moment, beaming at the both of them. “I have to get to surgery, but congratulations, you two. You’ve got a very lucky little girl growing inside of there.” She said before grabbing another bite of food and making her way back to work.

“She’s right, you know.” April quipped with a beaming smile up at her husband.

“Mmhm. The women’s soccer team is better.” Jackson answered back with a smirk.

“Not what I meant,” she pouted at him playfully for a moment. “We’re so lucky. I’m so lucky to have you. And she’s going to be so lucky to have you as a dad.” She remarked fondly. The bigger that she had gotten as her pregnancy progressed, the more and more attached she had become to all of it. April had finally been able to open up about it after the fourteen-week mark. Since everyone else had been able to talk with her and congratulate about it, it had become more and more real with every conversation. She was finally thrilled about it, no longer worried about what was happening. Now that she was even at the mark of viability by all technicalities, she felt free.

“Just as she is lucky to have you as her mom,” Jackson replied easily, leaning down for another sweet kiss.

The baby shower flew by. They hadn’t bothered with planning a lot of games knowing that people would be in and out as their work scheduled demanded, even if April had conceded to the typical guess the measurement game. Given that she was right on target with her growth and it was a room full of doctors, of course, multiple people got it right – even if she jokingly refused to hear the numbers that people guessed. She didn’t mind the big baby belly so much, not when she could show off the fact that she finally had a healthy pregnancy.

Nesting had finally kicked in for her, so when they got home with a car full of presents from the shower, she stays up late organizing them. And then the next day, she reorganized them again. It happened once more over the weekend, just enough to drive Jackson a little crazy.

In part because the nursery had been redone over and over again. The walls were a warm cream, accented with a light pink stripe along the ceiling and other decorations. A sheep mobile was already hung above the white crib, dresser and nursing chair set up. A fuzzy pink pillow was settled on the chair, the same shade as the stripe on the wall, as well as a pale green blanket. Photo frames had already been set up, waiting for the actual pictures to fill them. This was about the third rendition of the nursery thus far. Jackson had only managed to get her to agree to not have to repaint the walls again, citing that he didn’t want her breathing in any of the fumes from the paint.

She was lucky to get to thirty-six weeks and still be working with how her belly had taken over her entire body. Hunching over O.R. tables had become increasingly difficult and a bit painful on her lower back, but she refused to give up on her work. She certainly didn’t want any judgment or being thought of as lesser. Even if a pregnancy was technically a medical condition – she wasn’t going to be treated like one. She was far too stubborn for that.

Even if it was driving Jackson a little bit crazy. He could see the way that she hurt at the end of the day and did his best to help in whatever way that he could. Most of their nights ended with foot or back rubs. He hovered over her constantly, made sure she didn’t soak in a hot bath for too long. It wasn’t an attempt to be controlling, per se, or at least not his intention. Instead, he just wanted her to be as healthy as possible and try to minimize the toll that the pregnancy was taking on her body. Even if realistically, there wasn’t much that he could do about the latter.

Braxton and genuine contractions were easy to confuse, easy for a doctor. April might have been able to give the textbook differences between the two, but there was something completely different about actually feeling it inside of her body. She tried to deny it being latter, staying in the E.R. but more or less letting the residents handle most cases until it became too much.

“Wilson!” April barked, waving the younger woman over.

“What’s up, Dr. Kepner?” The younger woman replied, quickly making her way to her boss.

“I need you to get a wheelchair, and then I need you to page Dr. Avery and tell him to meet me in labor and delivery as soon as possible,” April instructed, keeping her voice as calm as possible and sucking in a deep breath to keep from voicing out the painful contraction currently contorting inside of her.

“What? Oh! Really?” Quick realization contrasted over the other, running off for a moment to grab the wheelchair. “C’mon, things are slow. I’ll wheel you up,” Jo said as she helped April into the wheelchair.

“I know where L&D is, I can take myself,” April tried to insist for a moment. “Oh–” The short syllable came out of her lips like a curse word, suddenly gripping onto the sides of the wheelchair and squeezing them. “Okay, okay, you’re going to roll me there.” Her mind was easily changed.

One of the maternal medicine fellows gives her an exam and informed her that she was only three centimeters dilated and still had a ways to go. Jackson joined her a few minutes later, looking considerably more erratic than his laboring wife was. As much as he had been anticipating this day and ready for it to happen, he still hadn’t expected it to be today. She’s only four days shy of technically being at term and measured well enough, but by a technical definition, it was preterm labor, even if the other fellows and attendings on the floor insisted that it wasn’t likely to be a big deal for her case.

“Oh, this is not fun. This is not good.”

April was pacing the room as she spoke, mostly muttering to herself. Her hands had been planted firmly on the small of her back as if it would make any difference. She had refused an epidural much to Jackson’s dismay, and he’d made an ill-timed joke about being in just as much pain as she was by having to watch. That had earned a pretty quick slap on the chest that was a little more than just playful.

“You’re doing an amazing job so far, April,” Jackson reassured her.

It was a conversation that pretty much went back and forth in a cycle as the minutes ticked on with her in contractions. Minutes quickly became hours and it seemed like it was taking forever for her to become fully dilated. She tried walking, using an exercise ball. Ice ships were downed like there was no tomorrow and with as much pain as she was in, she was half-convinced that there wasn’t going to be. 

Fourteen hours of grunting and groaning, howling and cursing with every slandering word in her vocabulary, it was hard to tell if things were getting better or worse. Nine centimeters dilated, she’d officially thrown up twice and become progressively more irritable with each passing second. The latter could be passed off as relatively normal, all things considered.

Ten centimeters come, and so does bearing down with the force of everything inside of her to get the baby out. All seems relatively well until problems with the fetal monitor begin to make themselves known.

“April– the baby is beginning to show signs of distress. Let’s put on an oxygen mask on you to make sure you’re both getting as much oxygen as you can, okay?” Dr. Montgomery prompted though didn’t give her much time or say in the matter, one of the nurses stepping in to place the mask over April’s head. Panic lit her eyes and she sucked in the oxygen faster though it’s not entirely from the mask over her face.

“Dr. Montgomery, what’s going on?” Jackson’s eyes finally torn away from his wife’s face though he only held onto her hand tighter than before.

“It might be nothing, I don’t either of you to panic, alright?” Dr. Montgomery braced, her gaze switching between the two of them for a moment. “But it’s starting to look like there’s a chance of an amniotic fluid embolism. Making sure that you are getting enough oxygen is crucial so that your baby also has enough oxygen. We’re going to keep an eye on your heart and your blood loss.”

Wide hazel eyes stared at Dr. Montgomery with terror as April processed the information, chest tightening and forcing out a nod of her head. She wasn’t sure if it was anxiety, panic, or something more now than the possibility had been thrown out there.

The sweet cries of a newborn filling the air is the only possible thing that alleviated some of the tension, and it did. After a few more laborious strains and pushes, the newest member of the Avery family is welcomed to the world with a noisy scream. Skin like her father’s and lung’s like her mother’s, she was a little on the small size but not the point where it was something to be concerned about. The fact that she was crying and breathing on her own was relieving enough. 

For a few sweet seconds, it seemed like everything had settled into place perfectly.

Until April’s heart rate monitor goes off the rails.

Without even so much as the chance to hold her own daughter, things moved quickly. The baby is rolled out of the room and Jackson instinctively tries to move and to assist, to make sure that things would be fine, but he doesn’t get a choice in the matter. One of the nurses guides him out and the blinds are drawn shut so he can’t see what was happening inside of the room. Instead, he has to listen to what thin walls allow to transfuse into the hallway. The sound of Dr. Montgomery’s panicked voice, a fainter beeping of the heart rate monitor, and paddles shocking his wife.

It’s the longest moments of Jackson’s life, standing in the hallway without a clue what was going on inside. He had pushed for a baby, wanted one so badly, and now April was the one suffering the consequences. Each second breaks his heart further.

A nurse comes by and asks him if he’d like to go up and see his daughter while he was waiting, and Jackson pushed her off dismissively. Their daughter was fine. By all accounts, she seemed to be healthy, even if she had been brought into the world a few days sooner than what she was supposed to be. He had to know that April would be okay. That she would survive, that she would get a chance to love and hold the daughter that she had brought into the world, that she would sell get to live out the rest of her life. That it wasn’t going to be his fault.

When things finally fall quiet on the other side of the wall for more than just a few seconds, Jackson tensed. He nearly barged into the room with the opportunity but before he can make up his mind about whether or not it was the best idea, Dr. Montgomery stepped out with an exhausted face.

“How is she? What happened?” He pestered her immediately.

“April’s okay,” she answered slowly. “She went into v-tac and we had to shock her twice to get her back. She did throw an embolism, like I mentioned earlier. We’re going to have to monitor her for other problems. AFE is extremely rare and… for mothers who survive it, there’s a list of possible long-term outcomes.” Dr. Montgomery explained.

“Long-term? Like what?” Jackson questioned.

“Memory loss, organ failure, heart damage, pituitary gland damage, nervous system problems… It’s not a pretty list, I know, but I don’t want you to panic about any of that until we know what’s going on, okay? We’ll have cardio and near both check her out. Now, I’m going to go and check on your daughter. But you can be in there with her. She should wake up soon.” Dr. Montgomery offered a sympathetic smile.

It was a long list of terrible possibilities to try and process. Jackson stood there numbly for a minute as April’s doctor walked away, heart pounding in his chest and taking a deep breath. As much as he wanted children and a family, none of that had the same value if it wasn’t with her. He couldn’t go through without her. Slowly, he pushed open the door to her room and stepped inside, letting it fall shut behind him.

April didn’t look ill. She looked peaceful – like she finally had a break from the hours and hours of labor and pain that she had been through birthing their daughter. She was paler than usual, still. The latter was only notable because of how she tended to toss and turn in the mist of the night, constantly readjusting her position to get comfortable. It was something that had driven him crazy at first. Now he can’t stand to see her still.

Jackson sat by her side, taking one of her hands between his own. He wasn’t a religious man. He had never been. Yet in that moment, he took the time to pray to her God. Not for his benefit, but for her. To have her pull through, to give her a fighting chance. She deserved that much.


	17. Finale

Time passed in an utter blur as Jackson remained vigilant at April’s bedside. His only distraction was pulling out his phone and looking up more about AFE, trying to find cause or explanation. But every medical website gave the exact same answer. Unpreventable. Unpredictable. Often fatal. Yet he had to still wonder if it led back to something else. Something that was his fault.

The only piece of luck that they seemed to have thus far was the fact that it hadn’t affected the baby. Their little girl was healthy by all accounts and standards. Seven pounds and two ounces of health.

Jackson hadn’t been able to talk himself into going up to visit their unnamed daughter just yet, though. She would be there. Nurses and other NICU staff were watching her, making sure that she was alright. People loved babies. But right now he was the only one at April’s bedside, the only one looking out for her with every passing second. April deserved just as much attention and care. He had to give that to her. Both hands were wrapped around one of hers, holding onto pale flesh tightly, nearly terrified to let go of her in any sense.

“She’s beautiful, April, she looks just like you…” Even if he had barely gotten a glimpse of their daughter in the haste of things, it wasn’t going to stop him from talking to her about the baby and everything else. Everything that came to mind. He just wanted her to wake up. Needed her to wake up.

His pleas continued with absolute desperation. Maybe he had never been a holy man but he needed someone, something to be willing to listen. Anything for her.

After what felt like an impossibly long period, April finally began to stir. At first, it’s a soft twitch of her fingertips, then discomfort begins to bring around a greater sense of awareness. Sore hips give a slight shift. Then hazel eyes finally open once more to absorb the light and sense of the world around her again, pupils dilating to the brightness above her before finally able to fixate on the man who had remained vigilant at her bedside the entire time.

“April?” Jackson’s voice was gentle as he prompted his groggy wife.

“H–hi.” The syllable is barely able to get out of dry lips. Quickly, Jackson moved to pour her a cup of water from the container sitting on the nightstand, guiding it to her mouth and holding it there as she took a few swallows.

Once she had taken the water that she needed, he set the cup of water back down but remained standing for a moment. Gently, he stroked her auburn waves of hair, tucking a little bit behind her ear.

“W… what happened?” April was struggling to try and recall everything. “Wh… hospital?” The cocktail of drugs that she was on wasn’t helping her mental state in the slightest, and the struggles immediately sent Jackson spiraling down the list of problems that were AFE. Memory problems had been on the list. Among other things.

“You’re in the hospital,” Jackson answered patiently. “You gave birth. We have a baby, April, a beautiful little girl. And she’s got your eyes. Do you remember?”

Her mouth opened and shut again, trying to recall what had happened, struggling to go through the thoughts in her head. She could remember being in a great deal of pain, but it was difficult for her to remember the circumstances or anything else that had happened afterward. She did remember being pregnant, the baby shower vaguely. But she didn’t remember her water breaking or being in labor or any of the other complications that had quickly followed.

“Is the baby okay?” April asked instead of answering his question. “I wanna see her.”

Jackson nodded quickly. “The baby’s good. We… we haven’t named her yet. Do you want me to get her?” He asked a bit nervously, not wanting to leave her side, but at the same time wanting to fulfill whatever she requested.

Complying with her request, Jackson quickly made his way up to the NICU. It’s a short conversation with one of the nurses to ask about things and make sure that everything was alright, that she was in good condition to take down to see her. She had been brought up to the NICU instead of the regular nursery as a result of her mother’s condition and for further monitoring but didn’t show signs of any complications from the AFE, much to his relief. Taking her down in one of the portable cribs, he was quick to get back to April’s room, surprised and even a little relieved to find that Dr. Montgomery was there as well.

“There you two are,” Addison greeted Jackson and the baby as he walked into the room. “I was just explaining to April everything that happened and about some of the tests that we’re going to need to run to find out the extent of the damage. We’ll have an ANS test done as well as some neuropsychological ones to assess for memory damage. We’ll monitor for organ failure as well.”

It’s a lot to process for the both of them. They understood the full extent of everything that she was saying, the possible complications and the fact that none of them were good. None of those things were minor. The only thing they had on their side now was hope. But even that felt dwindling.

“Thank you,” April said quietly. “Can I hold the baby?”

“Yeah,” Jackson nodded, stepping up to her and gently lowering their baby girl into her arms. One hand lingered as April’s arms wrapped around the baby, a smile softening her tired features. “That’s our baby girl.” He said, unable to help the sense of pride that had come over him. Even with the complications, she had done an amazing job growing and birthing this little girl. She was beautiful, healthy. And hopefully, her mother would be both of those things again soon.

“I’ll give you two a little time with your baby. I’ll have someone come by for the tests later.” Dr. Montgomery informed them, giving Jackson a gentle squeeze of the shoulder as she passed him and left the room.

The two of them turned their attention to the child completely, for a moment ignoring the list of lingering problems that they still had to worry about and taking simple joy and euphoria at the moment. Jackson was still worried about the state of his wife, all that had to come when it came to getting her assessed, but watching her hold and coo over their newborn baby girl was something that he could take absolute delight in.

“I think I want to name her Nora,” April said suddenly, looking up from their daughter and at Jackson for his approval.

“Nora Avery?” He questioned, raising his eyebrows and musing over it a moment before giving a small nod of his head. “It’s pretty. I like it.” He smiled down at her. “How about Kepner as her middle name, huh? Tag that along?” Jackson suggested.

“Nora Kepner Avery.” April smiled at him for a moment before looking down at their daughter and cooing at her. “Is that your name, little girl? I think it is. Oh yes, I do. Little sweet Nora.”

Both April and Jackson hold onto her with fierce protectiveness after everything that it had taken to conceive and bring her into the world, hard to let her out of either of their sights even then it came to the necessary tests and vaccinations that she needed to receive. Jackson eventually stepped out with her so they could begin to run tests on April and see what the effects of the embolism had caused on her body. A part of him wanted to be in there but she had requested that he stay with the baby and watch over her, half scared how he would react if she didn’t do well on the tests.

Much to her relief, the ANS test does go well. There were no signs of issues with physiological processes or signs of autonomic dysfunction. Her organs were checking out well and thus didn’t show any signs of failure just yet. She was maintaining a normal body temperature and electrolyte balance. 

The only issues that did come up eventually were those with her pituitary gland. A little pea-sized organ and yet it was still the master gland as far as hormones were concerned.

Blood tests came back and indicated to two different abnormal functions. Hypo-secretion of the thyroid-stimulating hormone and hypersecretion of prolactin. Hyperthyroidism. Hyperprolactinemia. One was much more common than the other. Another test was being run for the actual thyroid hormones to double check and an iodine thyroid scan was scheduled. At least that was not particularly complicated to treat.

“Hi, April, Jackson,” Dr. Montgomery greeted. “I wanted to talk to you about the results of your bloodwork, April. Is now an okay time?” She asked.

They both glanced at each other before April gave a nod of her head, asking her to continue.

“Alright. So, in women, a high blood level of prolactin often causes a decrease in menstruation. It may disappear altogether or just become irregular. You’re likely to have an increased level of breastmilk, more than what little Nora is going to need. As the hormone promotes tissue changes in the breast, you’re likely to experience more breast pain than normal for first-time mothers.” She explained clearly, offering the both of them a sympathetic smile. “We’ll have to monitor your levels for awhile going forward, and work at treating symptoms. A possible complication down the line is osteoporosis, but we’ll work to avoid that.”

April frowned for a moment as she looked at Dr. Montgomery, blinking a few times and nodding before dropping her gaze down to her daughter. “At least I don’t have to worry about you going hungry, huh?” She cooed to Nora.

Jackson gravitated a little closer to his wife, placing a hand on her shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze. “Is there anything that we can do immediately to try and get ahead of this?”

“Most of the time, we go for treating the underlying cause. In this case, that’s the AFE. Which in this case, we’re past. So hopefully it’ll go away on its own with management.” Addison answered, offering a sympathetic smile. “I know that this is hard, but you’ve come out on the other side of this in remarkably good shape, April. You’re very lucky.”

The words are taken at face value. 

A few days after Nora’s birth, the both of them are discharged from the hospital with followup appointments scheduled. Jackson hadn’t initially planned on taking a full paternity leave, but his mind had quickly changed, now needing to watch over both his wife and newborn baby.

Of course, the weeks after a child was born was next to impossible for any parent to really deal with. It was baggy sweats, dirty diapers, and a complete lack of structure. An occasional moment nearing complete insanity when it came to not getting any sleep. It was surprising and overwhelming, all of the tough realities that came with having a baby. The perspective would come for the both of them later on down the road. They had both greatly overestimated their own abilities. Getting laundry and food cooked every week was a challenge they barely managed to succeed.

Both April and Jackson were career-oriented, accustomed to being organized, in control, and on schedule. Babies, of course, were nothing like that.

When the two months were finally coming to one and the prospect of work was coming around, there were plenty of mixed feelings to be had. On the one hand, there was no end to the exhaustion in sight. Instead, it’d just be a few hours of work and Nora down at daycare, then the impending nights with getting up multiple times and trying to sooth the fussy baby. Adult conversations were also greatly mixed.

But separation anxiety was a real bitch. A heartless one, at that. Emotionally and logistically, it was hard. April was still breastfeeding and even if her prolactin levels had begun to come down, the schedule was important to her. Having Nora downstairs at the daycare was some help.

Nothing would really ease the heartache that eventually came with the two of them dropping her off at daycare for the first time and standing outside of the room, staring in at their child.

“This doesn’t feel right,” April commented, chewing on her lower lip and giving a shake of her head.

“At least we’re still under the same roof, technically,” Jackson offered, trying to comfort her.

They try to go about their days as if it’s normal, even though it felt anything but. Everyone wanted to hear about the baby and made a remark about being jealous of the time off, even if it had felt like absolutely anything but a vacation. Any new parent knew and understood that. By the time that lunch came around though, they had to come back downstairs and check on their daughter, just to make sure that everything was alright and that she was happy. April at least had the excuse of dropping off some fresh breastmilk.

She really shouldn’t have been surprised to see that Jackson was already there, peering in the window with a soft smile on his face.

“Hi,” she smiled up at him, wrapping one arm around his waist and leaning into him. “She good?”

“Yeah.” Jackson’s arm slung over her shoulder, drawing her in closer.

“Are you gonna make fun of me if I have a moment right now?” April asked, glancing up at him.

He chuckled. “Depends on what kind of moment, I suppose.”

“I was so scared to have a baby after everything. I didn’t.. I didn’t think that it was going to happen,” she admitted with a slight frown pulling at the corners of her lips, looking forward in the window. “I still don’t remember a lot of the actual birth. Maybe it’s because they shocked me. I don’t know. I just… I know that I’m happier now than I’ve ever been, Jackson. I’m so sorry that I got so bent out of shape about trying for a while there and that I blamed you for so much of it.” She apologized, running her hand up and down his side as she spoke.

Jackson turned himself to face her slightly, not wanting to disrupt their position too much and shaking his head. “You don’t need to apologize for that, April,” he insisted sincerely, leaning down and pressing a kiss on top of her head. “You were scared and angry. Rightfully so. We both made our mistakes. But… that’s all in the past now, you know? We have Nora. And we have each other. That’s what matters right now.”

April turned toward him so that she could properly wrap her arms around his waist in a hug, her head resting on his chest. She’s small against him, still carrying some of her baby weight even though the hyperthyroidism had caused some of it to fall off quite quickly. Then the medication had her gaining it right back all over again. She didn’t care. She was happy with where she was.

“I’m happy with where our life is now, Jackson. I’m so happy.” She smiled for only a moment, stretching up on her tiptoes to press her lips against him. It’s sweet, chaste. Both of them were tired, but never too tired for each other.

“Me too, baby, me too.” His head rested on top of her head, where it fit perfectly beneath his.

The two of them couldn’t have been more different when they had first met each other and yet now they constantly existed on the same page, moving in sync. She’d been the uptight good girl, the Christian woman who had waited until marriage, who was too conservative for her own good at times. And he had been the one who had completely opened her eyes up to the world, the idea that you could be a good person without following the rules quite so strictly. Jackson had balanced April out in an ideal way, fitted inside of each other’s flaws and made them both better and stronger with one another.

To think, it had all started with one blind date.


End file.
